More people than you think deal with anxiety on the daily. More of your friends and family than you'd like to think deal with this crippling mental illness. My anxiety peaked when I was a freshman in high school, throughout my childhood and adolescence I had dealt with it, but this demon didn't have a face or a name, I was just a sensitive kid. Once the word 'anxiety' entered my world everything meant a little bit more sense, why sometimes I couldn't calm down, or I would get really worked up over things that didn't matter much to other people. That feeling when my skin feels like its flipped inside out and my feet and hands go numb, suddenly had a name.
Anxiety isn't an excuse, it's not a cop out and it definitely isn't a term that should get thrown around. Anxiety and panic disorders are very real to a lot of people, and when you joke about triggers and about panic attacks you just bring to life a very real fear that most people have.
That you wont be understood.
When you find yourself freaking out, crying, shaking, vomiting and pacing around the floor and a friend or family member looks at you in disbelief. They think you're being dramatic or over reacting and you can do nothing. You just wait until your lungs remember how to let air in, and all the pins and needles that were in your feet and spine go away.
People have a hard time understanding things that they themselves haven't experienced. Sky diving, swimming in open ocean, standing at the top of the empire state building, having an anxiety attack.. You don't know how life changing something is until it changes your life.
I just ask those of you that know someone in your life that deals with anxiety to give them a pat on the back for me. Tell them good job getting out of bed and facing the world today. Good job functioning like a regular human being without taking breaks to collect yourself before you turn into a puddle. Way to go taking things in stride and not shutting down when plans change and things go bad. Living a day to day life is that much harder when theres a constant reel in your mind, reminding you that things can go badly at any moment.
Anxiety isn't an excuse, its an opponent that people learn to deal with and tackle every day. And you know what? Sometimes you can't tackle it, sometimes it tackles you. It pins you to the floor and you try to tap out but it doesn't stop. You lay there trying to breath as its weight sits on your chest and all you can do is pray that that bell rings soon. You wait and you wait, wondering if you'll pass out or it will stop first.
I don't have the secret to how to make it any easier, finding the ways to get through it will change day to day. Sometimes you just need a glass of water and a good conversation with your best friend. Other times its something you've just gotta push through for another hour and you can go home to take a nap. Then there are the times when you just need to get out, you need to run away and hide in a corner for a little while and you talk yourself down.
No matter how you fight it, you can't let it control your life. You can't let it keep you from doing things you once loved, or wish you could love. Pushing yourself is the only way you can beat it, you can move on to the next chapter of your life. I promise you, that you will never regret overcoming something, no matter how painful it might have been. Once you're past it, youre never going to look back and say, "You know? I wish I had given up and stayed in bed today. I wish I had just thrown in the towel and not gotten farther because of it."
