Mental Health and College do not mix…like ever, at least for me. Anxiety and Depression are two contradictions that pull me apart in every direction. I learned how to hate myself for everything I have done in my life. I have spent multiple hours in therapy, crying, more therapy, which led to more and more crying.

The sad part is, some people believe I have my life all together. No, in fact it is the exact opposite. I have this constant fear my friends are just my friend out of sympathy or they are taking about me in a negative light behind my back. I almost single handily damaged my relationship with my best friend from out of state, also known as my (at the time) roommate multiple times. I have started to feel afraid going anywhere because I am afraid I am going to get a panic attack. I have to put on a mask that I am ok, even though I am 99% sure I am not.

My dreams have turned into nightmares that I seem I never seem to wake up from. I have laid on the ground motionless because it feels like someone keeps putting idiomatic amounts of weight on me. That someone is me, and I keep hating that I do that to myself, even though I cannot control it.

I am magically surprised that I still wake up everyday from the restless sleep to fight another day. I am grateful for the people in life who decided to fight along side me. But, I know there are people out in the world who feel like they are alone. If that is you, trust me you aren’t. You are part of millions who are fighting.

There are resources out there

7Cups- an anonymous service that has trained active-listeners who want to help you and listen ((and cough cough @RewindTheClock, if you like to talk to me personally)) or go through their self-help guides

Dial 211- If your state has it, you can call for a non-emergency call to request to talk to a counselor

In case of emergency 1-800-273-8255 is the suicide hotline.

If you are a friend or family member of a person who is fighting, fight along side them by easily saying, “Hey, how are you doing? I am here if you need to talk” and just being there.