A few nights ago, my husband and I had a fight about the sink full of dishes that kept staring us in the face. "No, it's your turn!" "Well, if you weren't so messy in the first place, the kitchen wouldn't look like this!" On and on and on it goes.
In the middle of our argument, a truth I had heard a while back really set in. I mean, it hit me like a ton of bricks: this fight was not about the dishes.
My husband and I have been married nearly a year now and that is just one of the lessons I have learned while beginning this new life together. Despite our newly-wed status, I believe we have learned a few things that will be useful for the rest of our lives.
A fight about the dishes is never about the dishes
Just like the story I mentioned, most of the time in a relationship, a fight about petty things can be traced much deeper. We as humans often let small problems build up until we can no longer keep them quiet. All it takes is for us to see an opportunity to let our anger out. Which leads right into the second lesson I've learned.
You didn't marry a mind-reader
Learn to talk to your spouse. Like, really talk to them. When you've had a bad day, tell them! Don't just expect them to give you the extra gentle attention you're secretly wanting (I'm so guilty of this).
Let them know what makes you frustrated and happy and doubtful. If you want something special for dinner, ask them to make it with/for you. Nothing kills a relationship more than unmet expectations. And if you're expectations are unvoiced, they will almost always be unmet.
Love is an action
There are thousands of ways to say "I love you." My personal favorite is a fresh bowl of cream of wheat with cinnamon toast after a long day.
The art of apology
Let's face it, we're all wrong sometimes. The sooner you can admit it and give your spouse a big hug, the sooner you can get back to being best friends.
Alone time is a necessity
When my husband and I were dating, I couldn't imagine ever wanting to not be with him when I had the chance. That has changed very quickly. I love my husand but an hour alone per day keeps the insantity away, let's be honest.
Sacrifice
That's the biggest, fattest, ugliest word you'll ever see. But you get used to it. There is something peaceful about sacrificing what you want for the person you love, even if it isn't always easy. Putting my husband before myself is one of the most important lessons I have learned thus far.
Love your spouse more
Love them more than you hate the unfolded laundry. More than the argument about money. More than stress and anger and frustration. Love them more than anything or anyone on this earth -- including yourself.
No one's breath smells good in the morning
Marriage is great but come on, it's not a fairytale.
Excitement comes when you call it
Marraige is not always full of new, fun, exciting things. Sometimes it's full of worry and doubt. But in those times, a unexpected snickers bar, surprise date, or home made dinner can still bring excitement. It is something that we must make an effort to have.
