Hello everyone. It is finals time and you know what that means. Everyone’s beyond stressed and dealing with it by ignoring all of their work and calculating what grade they have to get in order to pass the class.

It’s currently six in the morning and I have not gone to bed. I was finishing up a nine page paper for a one credit course (but that was actually all on me, the requirement was only three). And although that might make me sound studios, do not be fooled, I am in fact ignoring the bigger problem in my face which is my whopping 175 point essay due in three days that I have barely started for a class that is my major.

And you know what, I’m going to keep ignoring it until the last possible minute probably because that’s what I did for my last paper and I’ll probably continue to ignore the actual important things in my life that will truly impact my future. For now, I wanted to get a few things off my mind because there’s a lot going on up there and I feel the need to expel at least a few thoughts before I really do go completely insane.

The first one is boys wearing shorts in the winter. So it’s around twenty degrees and below outside, snowing and all that good stuff, and I’m walking to class, contemplating whether I should fake my own death so I don’t have to walk outside anymore, and I look in front of me and there is a young man wearing basketball shorts. What’s wrong with you? Seriously? Are you trying to cause an uproar? Do you want the attention, because believe me you are going to get it buddy. What kind of sadist do you have to be to confidently put on a pair of shorts and walk out of your front door into below freezing temperatures with actual snow falling down from the sky? I can’t even walk outside with my jeans rolled up. I lose all feeling in my ankles by the third step. So I’m confused and very worried. Please wear jeans or sweatpants, something to cover your legs. I promise you can maintain your masculinity AND be warm at the same time. Wow, congratulations.

My second thought is this:

Have you seen this adorable Amazon Prime commercial? I bet you have, and I’m tearing up again because it’s so sweet? They’re such adorable friends and got each other the same present! Best friend goals honestly. I’m just so happy with this commercial and would like to see it everyday for the rest of time, thank you very much.

Okay so Christmas is coming up. Presents, food, family, Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas Is You,’ I don’t know what else is more perfect. You know what else is coming up though, New Year’s resolutions. I’m going to lose weight. I know what you’re thinking, Oh that’s everyone’s resoluti– I don’t care, I’m doing it. And my friends are going to lose weight with me and we are going to have an amazing 2017 while looking incredible inside and out. So bye 2016, you were really gross and arguably my worst year to date.

I have another commercial for you.

My tears are back. This is beautiful. Bye.

I realized that people are just now waking up, this is a time where they are awake–oh god it's bright outside, the sun is coming out. I'm uncomfortable.

Me.

Well, that’s basically it, just remember to relax, do your work, and go to sleep. Which is actually everything I have not done ever. Good luck everyone, we will get through this no matter what, for better or for worse. Amen.