Going in, I thought college was going to be full of socializing, freedom, and new life experiences, but so far its nothing like that. It's full of a bunch of socially awkward kids who aren't sure how to approach one another, myself included.
Once I left my hometown, I figured I would be making friends left and right, but so far it's been a lot of time spent by myself in crowded places with hundreds of others who are just like me. They want to reach out and make friends, but no one is sure how nowadays. It's so easy to get caught up in a spell of overthinking when it comes to trying to start a conversation. "What if I don't say the right thing?" "What if they don't know what I'm talking about?" These are all questions I've asked myself, which has caused me to retreat and stick to being on my own, listening to music, and writing in my journal about how I don't have friends yet.
Being a homebody in a school that is known for students going out has been tough, but I wouldn't change who I am or where I'm attending school. The friends I've made seem to understand the anxiety crowds cause for me, and they offer to just stay in, watch movies, and listen to music with me instead of trying to make me go out.
At first, I was really uneasy about not knowing anybody, but now that I'm in a routine and used to what happens, I don't mind. I see familiar faces, I'll wave or smile, and that's okay with me. With time, I know I'm going to meet people and they're going to end up becoming some of the most important people in my life, but I also know I can't force any of that to happen, so for now, I'm just coasting through with one or two people beside me.
Trying to force friendships, or any kind of relationship really is exhausting. It causes you to be more hurt than just accepting they don't want to have any kind of relationship with you. Trust me, I've just recently given up on trying to make something happen, knowing it probably never will. I promise things are so much better when they happen naturally.
My mom always told me that she could count her true friends on one hand, and I think that's the case with me. I'm not too worried about finding my best friends for life here, because I know that they'll come with time. I like the few people I have, and I know I'll always have my best friend back home when I need someone to talk to about anything and everything. I know I'll also always have my mom, who will forever be one of my people.
My advice, don't worry about trying to make the biggest group of friends that you can once you start school, just try to find some people who you enjoy hanging out with, and you'll be set. Things will go so much easier and you won't waste your time meant for studying with worries about who you're going to hang out with.
