When my mother’s boyfriend calls her “woman”, I cringe for some reason. He does not know the meaning of that word. It is a word embodied with passion, respect, and beauty. It is someone who is fierce and capable and determinable. But being a woman comes with its downfalls. It is scary to be a woman. It is scary to know that gender defines your power in this world. No matter how hard I work or study or push myself, I will only be sixty-seven cents to that guy’s dollar. I will be stereotyped as the assistant but never the manager. The secretary but never the boss. I will be seen as weak, emotional, and ditzy, just because of my reproductive system, and this must change.

I have had personal experiences of being belittled because I am a woman, and it hurts to know that I am not alone. The day after my father died, my best friend visited me on my porch, iced coffee and blueberry muffin in hand, and asked if I was going to be okay. He is a man and this made my boyfriend at the time very angry. He did not like me being around other men, as he assumed I would be flirtatious or disloyal to him and our relationship. When he found out my best friend was sitting next to me that day, just comforting me for the loss of my father, my boyfriend called me a whore. He said I was a slut for having so many guy friends. He said that the only guy that should be comforting me in my time of grief should be him. And instead of hugging me or saying a mere “sorry for your loss”, he screamed at me until he felt he was done, and left my house. The idea of me being around another man, was more of an issue to him than my parent dying. I was verbally abused because I was looking for support in my friend. After that incident, I started to be quieter around my boyfriend, and all men in general. I felt that was what I had to do. I thought maybe that was the reason that “sh” is in front of she.

I work at Baby Gap where women of all shapes, sizes, ethnicities and ages walk in. Many new mothers, with their newborn children, are a usual sight to see, however many women still think that breastfeeding in public is “inappropriate” or “disgusting”. One mother walked in, looking tired and helpless, and asked if she can breastfeed her child in the store in one of the fitting rooms. I answered her question by opening a fitting room, and she thanked me with a sincere look in her eyes. Another customer in the store, a woman mind you, started complaining to my manager that no woman should be breastfeeding in front of others, and that her children should not be seeing naked women in a public shopping mall. I was baffled that a woman was offending another woman for simply feeding her child. The mother was in a private fitting room, minding her own business and this imbecile of a human being still had something to complain about. It’s natural and healthy and there is absolutely nothing wrong with breastfeeding. If a man walks around shirtless, no one gives a shit, but God forbid a woman shows a nipple for the purpose of nurturing her infant. Oh no, can’t have that. That’s not appropriate. Let her be a mother in private. Being a mother in public is almost looked at as shameful. That is the reality of America, and that is a reality that hurts to accept.

In the eighth grade, on a scorching summer day, I wore shorts to school. I did not wear them to get attention, I wore them because I did not want to die of a heat stroke, and I like to dress appropriately to the weather. Not to mention my intermediate school did not have much air-conditioning, so the hallways felt like a packed sauna. I went straight to math class, as I did every day, but that day my teacher looked at my legs before looking at me. As I walked to my seat, my math teacher told me to leave. I was not allowed to sit in the classroom because my knees were not covered. I was not allowed to learn my math lesson that day because I would make boys feel uncomfortable. I was not allowed to defend myself because I was a woman not wearing enough fabric. I was a confused thirteen year old who just learned that my education could be taken away from me if I did not cover up my curves. What I choose to wear is my choice, and I should not have to change my outfit because a boy might get aroused from it. If a woman wears something revealing, that does not give any man the right to touch her. Sexual assault is wrong, but not because she is someone’s daughter or wife, but because she is someone.

I have been slut-shamed on numerous occasions because I made the mistake of openly admitting that I had sex with someone. Friends of mine looked around the room aimlessly, as they sat there, never making direct eye-contact with me. I was told that I was dirty and should “have more self-respect”. Let me tell you something. Self-respect has nothing to do with sex; self-respect literally means respecting yourself and making choices that benefit you. If you want to engage in something with someone, that is your choice and your choice only. If you want to wear a crop-top because you think you look cute in it, do it. If you like cursing but someone tells you that you do not sound “lady-like”, curse anyway because you want to. A woman should not have to be modest to be respected.

I find it nauseating that some men think complimenting a woman on her physical appearance is the best compliment that you can give to a girl. I don’t care if you think I’m beautiful; I want you to think I'm brilliant. I want someone to tell me that they love my brain and not my ass. I want someone to tell me that my ideas excite them, and not that my body does. I keep telling myself that those are the words a woman should hear, but all I hear in the background are my mother’s words that whisper “Beauty on the inside doesn’t get you free drinks.”

I am offended by society that a woman’s looks can get her further in life than her education. That if a woman is not easy on the eyes, she cannot get the job she deserves. Society has taught me that my degree does not show as much as my thighs can. Society has taught me that I cannot have hair in places that hair is supposed to grow. My legs must be as bare as my vulnerability. Society has taught me that the government has more control over my uterus than I do. That women should have to pay for birth control, but condoms should surely be free of charge. Society has taught me that my period is a secret, and my blood is repulsive. That during one week of every month, my feelings are not valid. I have complained about cramps and I got vicious responses such as “Finish bleeding and go have a cookie, then talk to me”. Society has taught me that almost anybody can get away with rape. That it is not that serious of a crime. Did you know that 98% of rapists will never spend a day in jail or prison? Or that 44% of victims are under the age of 18? Sickening right? Society says that “boys will be boys” and if a college boy harasses a woman, he just “couldn’t control himself”.

In our society, straight, middle class, white males are the default subject position to which the media industry caters to. Men in our society often do not think about gender because, generally speaking, men do not usually face challenges that are related to their gender. Women and minority groups are forced to think about gender frequently because they are denied opportunities, and often feel pressured to look and act a certain way in order to be given the same opportunities afforded to the default subject position. We see television shows of young girls being forced into beauty pageants, where they know of no other way of life. All they know is chin up, stomach in, and smile. Smile because you are spray-tanned and your eyebrows are waxed and you’re wearing heels at the age of seven, and smile because you have to sell this lie. People must believe that these young children are happy to do a swim-wear portion of this contest, because even when you are a child, your body must be wanted. These mothers are poisoning the youth of America. They are telling their children that flaws are unacceptable and that being imperfect, being human, is not human at all.

The United States is one of the few nations in the world where sex education is not required. However, adolescents are learning sex education through media, advertisements, reality shows, and the Internet. All of which do not teach realistic expectations of sex and gender. Women are portrayed as objects, placed in submissive poses to attract attention to the product being sold. Society is bluntly telling women that all they will ever be seen as is an object, and a sexual one at that. Women are rarely placed in media for intelligence, accomplishments, compassion, or talents; they are predominantly put into ads for attraction. This culture feeds on sexually exploiting women for money. It tells little girls that if they are not sexually beautiful, that they have no sexuality at all. They are not wanted. They are not good enough. They will never be able to please a man. And if you cannot please a man, you fail at being a woman.

I am a woman. I am not a woman by society’s standards, though. I am not perfectly proportioned, I have stretch marks and pubic hair and I get acne when I’m stressed. My stomach growls when it is hungry and I do not skip dinner even though society tells me I should. I carry humans in my tummy. I bleed symphonies and sonnets. I am magical, I am a superhuman, and more than that, I am a superwoman.