Think of the last time you found someone you were interested in, but hesitated to make the first move to initiate conversation. You wanted to, but thought it was weird because it wasn't your "job" to make the first move. You find yourself stuck overthinking trying to figure out if this boy would be interested in you.
Guys are easily expected to make the first move, but in reality, girls can do the same. But when is it okay to do so? Is it weird to be the person who makes that first move? How to Approach Your Crush: A Male's Perspective tells us ladies that guys thinks its OK for a girl to make the first move, and that it's not what we think of as weird. Three males were asked several questions regarding their perspective of a girl approaching them and the to-do's and not-to-do's.
After reading the replies, it seemed like the responses that you would tell your best friend when giving advice to approach a guy. "Be yourself." ..."If he likes you, he'll show the effort." ... "Just talk to him." Yet why is it still so hard to approach a guy sometimes? Are we really overthinking or is it just that it's "easier said than done?"
I decided to ask a few ladies for their commentary on the guy's responses in the article.
What do you think about the responses on the best way for a girl to tell a guy she likes him?
A: I'm all for being honest when it comes to telling someone you like them, but nowadays this is easier said than done. Personally, I am always hesitant on telling a guy of my feelings for them because there is always that " what if " factor. Like what if the feelings aren't reciprocated? What if it was too soon to tell him? What if they are already interested in someone that I do not know of?" -- That is never a fun game to play!
B: I agree that if you like someone, you shouldn't beat around the bush. You should tell them, and be honest with them. However, sometimes it's easier said than done. I think that guys also have to learn how to "take a hint." If a girl is obviously interested in you, and isn't seeing anyone else, then you should have an idea that she likes you. When she's more comfortable, she'll open up.
C: Being honest always seems like the best and obvious answer, but it's always easier said than done. It's also the idea of how the guy will react that is the decision factor of whether or not a girl will approach a guy first. For instance, some guys are not the best at denying a girl; some may be too harsh, and some may just not even reply. Honesty works both ways in this case.
What do you think about a girl trying to initiate the "talking" phase with a boy she's interested in? What do you think of what the guys said?
A: I don't think it is wrong at all for a girl to initiate the "talking phase." After all, someone has to start it! Have a conversation on whether or not you both see a potential relationship happening in the future. If he has any doubts, LEAVE! -- He probably still needs some time to mature himself.
B: I agree that girls should be more up front with their feelings. If we like a guy, then we should tell them. But, I like many other girls, get confused because a guy will show interest and flirt but then when confronted say something like... "I'm not looking for anything serious/I just want to have fun right now." Which is exactly why girls wait for guys to initiate the talking phase so we can avoid that confusion.
C: Girls shouldn't be afraid of expressing their interest in a guy, and a guy should probably learn how to take a hint sometimes. And if a guy isn't clear if the girl is throwing a hint that they're interested, they can initiate the interest to see if it is mutual.
What's one turnoff when it comes to starting a fling/relationship? Do you agree with the responses you read?
A: Trust issues, a boring personality, and being controlling are definitely all turnoffs for me as well. I believe everyone should be given the benefit of the doubt unless their actions say otherwise. If he gives you a reason to not trust him, then that's understandable. Just don't start off the relationship snooping through his phone, trying to find some dirt on him when he's done nothing wrong. Stay cool girl, or else you're just going to become your own worst enemy and ruin what could be a happy relationship.
B: The same goes for girls. Nobody wants to be with someone who starts off a certain way and then after a couple of weeks transforms into someone else. It is quite intimidating since guys lose interest quickly and we always feel like we have to keep them entertained in order to be interested.
C: Trust is big. People make mistakes, it happens. You can tell if someone is trying to put an effort in gaining your trust, so keep that in mind when starting a relationship, and even maintaining a relationship. So let each other have freedom in your own individual lives. Don't be controlling!
How do you know if a guy isn't interested in you? Is it similar to what the guys have answered?
A: Agreed, if he's not trying to talk to you or hang out with you, don't bother anymore. It's understandable that everyone is busy at times due to school/work/family, however, how hard is it to just send a text asking, "Hey, how's your day going?" Or just simply saying, "Hey I'm free for a bit, want to grab coffee or food?" If he's able to go days without talking to you, while you're checking your phone constantly for a text from him, he's not interested. Don't force anything!
B: Simple. He's not going to put effort in you if he's not interested in you. It's up to us girls to take the hint and not try to push our way in.
C: It takes less than half a minute for someone to show that they are thinking about you, or that you crossed their mind. It takes even quicker for someone to show that you are important to them. So if a guy isn't interested in you, it is more than likely, he won't be texting you back -- if he does, it'll be the bare minimum, probably with a lot of boring "lol" in the text. Take the hint and move on girl.
After reading the article and answering the questions I've asked you, is there any advice you would like to give a girl in approaching a guy first?
A: Don't put up a front and act like someone you think he would like. After all, you want him to like you for who you are. Find someone that looks out for your best interests, and someone you can grow with. Don't waste your time or his for that matter, if you do not see it going anywhere. Finally, if he's only keeping you around for some favor, kick him to the side! Girl, you deserve better!
B: There is someone out there for you. You have to meet some frogs in order to meet your prince. I completely agree that you should act like how you are around your friends, and not some fake version of yourself because that's not who the guy is trying to get to know!
C: Just be yourself. What's the worst thing that can happen? He's not interested? I mean yeah, that may suck in the moment, but you'll get over it and find someone better suited for yourself. If it's not meant to be, you can't force it. And don't try to be someone you're not just to get the guy to be into you. True colors will start to come out once you get comfortable, and you'll find yourself in a mess that you created. Confidence is attractive not only for the guys, but it will also make you feel a lot better yourself!
All in all, the lesson of the day is just be yourself and remember that both genders are going through the dating game together. Keep each other's feelings and thoughts in mind. Ladies, stop thinking that guys are confusing. And guys, girls aren't crazy overthinkers for no apparent reason.
