I’m not materialistic. In terms of items others possess, having more of something that I own, or owning something greater than what I have, doesn’t affect me in any way.

Usually, those who do fit into this category are of a higher economic standing. These people make up the majority of the town I live in, and the surrounding neighborhoods. While no one can have a "picture-perfect" lifestyle, their ways of living appear far more attractive than mine.

That’s been visible to me for a long time now.

Like I said, physical items of a greater value don’t change how I feel while looking at those around me. Yes, jealousy may occur from time to time, but I don’t let it consume me... for that aspect. It’s the "luxurious" lifestyle and opportunities others have I’ve witnessed that diminishes my happiness with my own life.

Possibly the biggest difference that haunts my mind annually is vacations. Something that should happen frequently, right? Wrong. For me at least, as of last year. Other families around us can afford a vacation no problem. The Bahamas? Spain? Aruba? You name it, it can happen!

Those destinations are nothing but a fantasy in my house. I’d jump up and down smiling with excitement if we had the opportunity to go down the shore in the summer, which required every penny to be saved up over the course of a year. After applying to college, every bit of those savings went towards paying for orientation, dorm supplies, and more.

Now, even a beach trip has turned into a fantasy.

Growing up, my interests in different activities would develop and change over time. One moment I remember vividly was becoming very passionate about dance in middle school. I wanted nothing more than to take lessons the way some of my classmates around me were able to.

The answer upon revealing this desire to my parents? "We can’t afford it."

As high school rolled around, music turned into my primary interest. I can’t sing to save my life, but taking guitar, piano, or drum lessons seemed very appealing. Of course, I got my answer. "We can’t afford it."

Now, I know there are a lot of people out there living in the same situation as me, and I could go on and on about the limitations my family has due to money. I don’t ask for pity, but rather for those around me to spot the differences and realize their fortune. I’m beginning to learn the importance of working for what I want, which I can already tell is beginning to pay off, no pun intended.

I am extremely grateful for everything my family is blessed with, and if I were able to fix the metaphorical and physical cracks that have run through our household all these years, I would do so in an instant.

For now, that is what I consider a fantasy.