Not many people experience the loss of a parent so young, usually they lose their parent when they are older and not in there teens or even younger. For me though, I didn't have that. I lost my dad at 19, he died from liver cancer. I witnessed my dad battle this disease and watched helplessly as it took control of his body.

No one should ever have to witness that happen to a love one, but I guess it's a part of life. That part of life still gets to me although its been a little over a year since my dad passed away. Why? I never imagined I'd have to witness the strongest man I ever knew lose his mind and hardly know who I was.

Cancer made my dad lose weight and made him look so horribly sick, which obviously no doubt he was. Although I knew he would pass away I never thought it would be when he was only 68. I thought my dad would live to see me accomplish things in life, like graduate college, get married and start a family. It seemed to me that my dad wold live forever but obviously thats not true, because if it, was my dad would probably still be here.

Cancer robbed me of many more years with my dad, of more memories. I wish he was still here, I wish I didn't have to tell people who don't already know that my dad has passed away. I hate the most usual response of "I'm sorry for your loss" or "I'm sorry to hear that." I hate because I've made myself accustom to hearing it. But I mainly hate it because, although it's been a year I still don't feel as though my dad is gone, I just keep thinking he's alive and he's just working. But, at night, mainly late at night when I realize he isn't actually coming home, that he is truly gone.

Many nights I still lay awake waiting for him, and when I actually realize he is gone and he isn't coming back, i cry so hard. I cry for the fact I cant see my dad anymore, that the only way i can visit him is by going to a cemetery and visiting his grave. I'm jealous of people who still have their dad's. To me, when they say they hate their dads or are mad it their dad, its just like a huge slap in the face. All because my dad is in a wooden box in the ground and he isn't ever coming back.