Before summer began, all I could think about was leaving college and returning to my beloved hometown.

After all, it is the place that I went to school from Kindergarten to 12th grade, where I made some lifelong friends (and also lost some too) and had experiences that will stay with me forever. This is the place I thought would always define me and no matter how far I traveled, I could always come back and have those same feelings of belonging and comfort.

However, after being home for about a month and a half, I can't help but feel that this place that I once loved so much does not feel the same about me.

I drive by my old high school, the place where I had amazing teachers, earned my varsity letter, cheered my grade to victory during our (much better version of a) pep rally, struggled to get in and out of the parking lot and made memories that I thought I would cherish forever.

But lately, I feel disconnected from all of these moments, like I am an outsider looking in on someone else's life. I watched the grade below me go through some of the best and worst times of senior year, not believing that that was me only a year ago. I pictured myself in their position, having the time of my life with my best friends, and couldn't help being upset, wishing I still had those feelings to hold on to and experience.

It is difficult watching the people you grew up beside for so long go through amazing, life changing events and not be part of it because you graduated and should have moved on.

I've discovered that the aspects of my hometown that make it unique and special for those who live here are exclusively for those who are still in the school system, leaving those who have gone to college feeling like there is nothing here for them anymore. Which I realize is probably for the better, since I never wanted to be one of those people who peaked in high school or in their hometown. But as someone who is spending their first summer after freshman year at home, it is upsetting.

The town that accepted me for so long is finally rejecting me, making all those memories turn sour.

Maybe I feel this way because I absolutely loved my first year at college.

I made friends who turned into my second family, took classes that confirmed what I wanted to do for the rest of my life, and even when I was up late writing papers or studying for exams, I was still enjoying myself. I have seen a life outside of this town. I guess with gaining a new perspective, you lose your old one, whether you want to or not.

Don't get me wrong, there are still parts of my home town that I love. I love driving on the beautiful backroads, eating at the town-favorite sandwich shop, sitting on my back deck surrounded by family and much more. I love those friends who have continued to stick by me even after being away from each other a majority of the year.

These friends and my family are the only constants in my home town that keep me connected, where everything else feels like it is pushing me away. I barely talk to those in the grade above or below me anymore and I don't feel the need to visit my high school anymore. While I hate to feel like I have moved on, I think it is beginning to be true. I love my friends and family (and my bed if I am being honest), but without them I really have nothing here anymore that is making me want to stay.

Overall, my home town will always hold a special place in my heart no matter where life takes me. My friends, family and memories keep me tied here, but I am starting to understand there is more to life than my sheltered town that I am ready to explore. I know this is kind of a depressing reality, but it doesn't have to be. There is nothing wrong with growing up and moving on, keeping only those who you truly care about in your life.

Those who I thought would be in my life forever while I was in high school are not the same people I see now when I look to my future, but I am content. I realize that while I do not feel like I belong in my home town, I know I belong somewhere and the location doesn't matter as long as I have my people around me.