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How To Feel Guilty About Thanksgiving

Let's all celebrate family dysfunctions circa 1863.

Nusrat Jahan (Lamisa)

Nov 21, 2016

Cambridge, Massachusetts

Pixabay

While you are gathering the potatoes and getting ready to brine the turkey this year, just keep in mind:

1. You said it, you're thankful for food.

Don't waste it. Or slide it down to the folded napkin on your lap, Santa is watching. Especially the cranberry sauce, don't you dare pass on that.

2. Hey, we all have fights.

But let's just remember some are greater than others.

3. Must be tough, may the odds be in your favor this year.

Good luck! The 53 Pilgrims and 90 Native Americans definitely worked hard to give us the envoking images of football, roasted turkey, and family reunions... minus the aftermath of just a tiny bit of dysfunction.

4. Which means, you'll have to eat a lot and a lot to regret.

Let's throwback to our history and think of all the times white people did Native Americans dirty. Let's start with the Trail Of Tears when Jackson forced Native Americans to move 800 miles from their homeland through cold, freezing weather... and mind you, when they arrived, they still weren't welcome.

5. When white people say "go back to your country" to minorities.

Funny how Native Americans would've said the same when the English were pulling and tugging at their food and resources.

6.) Last but not least, enjoy!

Even though our history is filled with blood and tears, hope you enjoy your meal this year as your munch and crunch away!

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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How To Feel Guilty About Thanksgiving

Let's all celebrate family dysfunctions circa 1863.

1. You said it, you're thankful for food.

2. Hey, we all have fights.

3. Must be tough, may the odds be in your favor this year.

4. Which means, you'll have to eat a lot and a lot to regret.

5. When white people say "go back to your country" to minorities.

6.) Last but not least, enjoy!

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"I'm hopeless and awkward and desperate for love"

1. That Time He Tested Out His Flirting Skills and This Happened

2. When He Was Willing to Do Anything to Avoid Confrontation

3. When He Couldn't Handle Awkward, Emotional Situations

4. How He Reacted Whenever His Friends Ignored Him

5. All of the Times He Worried About His Failing Love Life

6. Whenever He Tried to Whip Himself Into Shape

7. How He Handled New People and New Experiences

8. Whenever His Friends Got Annoying, He Was Always the Voice of Reason

9. He Always Knew How to Jam

10. He Finds a Way to Make Any Situation More Fun

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

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4. "You must really like the color pink!"

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6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

The world's greatest university meets the world's greatest show.

1. When you get your acceptance letter

2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works

3. When it’s move in day

4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people

5. FROG Week

6. When you find your squad

7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time

8. When you take on way too many credits

9. When you go to your first party at JMU

10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)

11. Sunday Brunch

12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time

13. The first snow day

14. Madipalooza

15. When finals week rolls around

16. When you have to say goodbye

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