It has been a really long day. Today has been filled with doubt in myself and doubt in God. Last week during church, I felt nothing. I became distracted by the other students in the room on their phones, the kids talking and others laughing.

Normally, church is the place where I am closest to God, but lately it hasn't been. So I take matters into my hands knowing I don't need a church to feel God. I turn on my worship music, I turn off the lights. I take a pillow off my bed and lay it on the floor. I fold my hands, and I bow my head and get down on my knees. I breathe in and I breathe out, centering myself.

Dear God, I pray. I begin to pray in my head, not quite knowing what I need to say before I start to murmur aloud. My incoherent broken thoughts come so fast I can't follow, but I realize my God understood these feelings and thoughts and was already working towards fixing them before me.

I break down in front of my God, not for the first time, crying out to him, literally leaning on him as my rock. I can no longer speak or think, all I can do is sob quietly hoping not to wake anyone. The tears burn my face and my eyes are squeezed so tight that my head begins to throb. I collapse having given it all to him.

I can no longer feel my feet, they have fallen asleep. I power through the tingling and stinging to take my turn at listening to God after he’s listened to me. I hear him say "trust me." He reminds me to take my own advice and that no matter what, it will get better from here. Refueled I rise and go to bed. Cementing in my heart that where ever you go and when ever you need God, whether it be at church, your bedroom, or school, God is there.