If you don't enjoy the television series The Office, then I probably don't enjoy you. I have an emotional attachment to this television show. It accurately displays how I feel at any moment during the day. At one point in the day I might be Stanley. Sometimes I feel spiritually connected to Phyllis. Heck, there are times when I'm Dwight. I am basically every character from The Office at any point during the day. Someone may tell me that I have Multiple Personality Disorder, but those are probably the same people that don't enjoy watching The Office.

1. When someone tries to talk to me too early in the morning.

I will ignore you, and I will not feel bad about it. I am not a human until I have been awake for an hour.

2. When I see people that I do not enjoy.

Listen, I don't hate you. I hate the things that you choose to be.

3. When I am overwhelmed.

The best option is to not care about anything when there are too many things to care about. I'm joking. Just kidding, I'm not joking.

4. When I am feeling "Phyllisophical."

Yeah, I really forced that pun.

5.When I actually do something correctly.

6. When I pretend that I heard what someone said, but then I realize that I should know what they said.

A highly specific incident that happens to me at least 3 times a day.

7. Sometimes when strange things happen to me, I pretend that I'm Jim and look at invisible cameras.

Go ahead, judge me. Refer to number 3.

8. How I deal with any issues that arise in my life

Pizza saves lives.

9. When I am feeling fabulous AF

Cue Beyonce's Lemonade album.

10. When I have had 10 shots of tequila

And, Beyonce's Lemonade album is playing.

11. When I have had 11 shots of tequila

Soft-core parkour.

12. When I accidentally like someone's Instagram picture from 2014.

*Unlike* I was never here...

13. When someone is rude

Sass has been activated.

14. Also, when someone is rude

I'm a complicated human with a lot of emotions, okay?

15. When I am trying to make a decision

it is usually about food.