This past week has been awful for me. On Monday, September 5, a good friend of mine was killed in a car wreck on her way back to school. She was 18 and seemingly had her whole life in front of her. The chest pains, heartache, and nausea that comes from overwhelming sadness consumed my body for days. I cannot tell you how many times I cried or for how long, but it was a lot and each cry session was rather lengthy. Just like post-surgery recovery, the third and fourth days are worst. You’ve moved past the idea that you’re having a terrible nightmare and will eventually wake up, to the fact that it’s real and there’s no way to change or escape the situation. You wake up and go to class but all the while feeling completely empty inside.

I went through all of this. Once I got through the initial shock of it all, I found myself in a slump. You know those slumps you get in when you feel like you need to do something but can’t? I felt like I needed to be there for her family, to support them, to be the “strong one.” But I couldn’t. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I was disheartened. I had lost determination. I knew I needed to do something, but I was completely lost. I didn’t even know where to begin.

Not all disheartenment looks the same. For me, it was not knowing how to move past my friend’s death. For others, it could be working really hard on a class and still not understanding it, or trying to make new friends but not making any, or having studied really hard for an exam or quiz and failing it, whatever it is, you felt disheartened.

Now the question is, what do I do? We, myself included, need to learn the concept of “failing forward.” Whether you’re disheartened due to grades or not knowing what to do after the death of a friend, failing is a part of every success story. Thomas Edison, the man recognized for inventing the light bulb, failed thousands of times before finally developing one that worked. When asked about his failures, Edison said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” A person who refuses to give up will always succeed, eventually.

Success is not easy! I cannot stress that enough. People who succeed without failure, haven’t really succeeded because we learn the most through our failures. Sometimes becoming successful in a class you’re struggling in means turning down your friend’s offer to go hike at Chilhowee so you can study for your exam (I had to do this freshman year). Now, you may do this multiple times and still fail the exam. But here’s the catch, you didn’t actually fail. By devoting yourself to your studies, you formed a better work ethic and this will help you in future classes. For me, failure looked like breaking down in random classes, eating my emotions, and (basically) yelling at God. But, same as you, I also did not fail. Through my breakdowns, I formed stronger relationships with my friends and classmates, my relationship with God deepened, and I got to eat some pretty delicious ice cream and Hibachi. Win-win, am I right?

Working through disheartenment is never easy and it takes time. Sometimes, a lot of time. Trust me, I am still working through my friend’s death and still have occasional breakdowns but day-by-day I’m seeing the good coming out of it. Eventually, you too will see the good coming out of your “failures.” Maybe you too are just figuring out 10,000 different ways to not build a light bulb.