It’s that time again—the iPhone 7 is here with complementing software, iOS 10. Every two years we can’t wait to see what Apple will unveil. Unfortunately, the complaints iPhone users give are similar to me at a party—they go unnoticed and everyone hopes that if they ignore them, they’ll leave. To distract us from the nine-year-long issues with iPhones, Apple adds “cool” features like “Panorama Photos” or “a new layout for your camera roll that will just make it harder to navigate.” They hope we don’t notice their failure to listen and try to intrigue us with buzzwords like “retina display” or “matte black finish.” Well, Apple, we do notice. You can take back your “health” app and add things that the people want to see. Here are a few suggestions:
Improved Battery: I know you think we don’t notice that our phones drain from 100 percent to 57 percent in 35 minutes, but we do. The battery of an iPhone is like an elderly person recovering from surgery. This needs to change. I need the freedom to browse social media, play a ridiculous game, text my friends (mom), and check my email to see if one of my classes happened to have gotten canceled, all at the same time. The impending doom of a dead phone intensifies my already crippling anxiety and to be honest, I don’t want to have to pack my phone charger with me to bring to campus; my backpack is already full of books and papers (snacks and candy).
In Class Mode: We’ve all had that moment. We’re scrolling through google results for “What to do when bored” in class and we accidentally press the home button too many times. Then it happens. Before you’re able to smash down your lock button to cancel out the action, she appears—and by she, I mean Siri. “I’m sorry, I didn’t get that.” Or “What do you mean?” are common phrases Siri likes to shout out as if she’s addressing the whole classroom.
So, to reduce this phenomenon the In Class Mode feature will allow you to use your phone in class while remaining undetected. It will temporarily turn off Siri. It will also not allow any sound to play as you’re innocently scrolling through Snapchat and those unsuspecting MyStory videos of your friends singing in the car to “Closer” suddenly attack your screen. In Class Mode ensures the sound effects on your phone don’t work, no matter how many times your mom is texting you, (we all know moms double text), or however many websites you visit with pop up video ads.
Better Chargers: Chargers are the life-line of the iPhone. It can’t survive without it. So call me crazy, but I think that the chargers shouldn’t be the last to receive your “technological advances”. It’s like giving someone with a severe nut allergy a peanut butter sandwich and an Epi-pen that doesn’t work. Unless I decided to have an elective surgery involving placing an outlet on my sternum, my phone charger will never reach from the wall to my bed. Do you have any idea how unsettling it is for the precious “before-bed-quality-phone-time” to be cut short by the low battery warning? In addition, consider a charger that doesn’t break every six weeks at the most inopportune times, like right before you board a flight, or the middle of the night.
Screenshot Notifications: Everyone wants to know who’s screenshotting their messages or social media posts and talking about them in group messages they aren’t in, or who’s screenshotting their texts to use against them later and catch them in a lie—(I’m looking at you, psycho girlfriends). To all of you who love screenshotting and are outraged by this idea, learn to be less gossipy and petty. And by “less gossipy and petty” I mean just show your text exchanges to your friends face-to-face.
Insufficient Funds Detector: Something else the iOS 10 should implement is the Insufficient Funds Detector, or the “you’re broke” feature. The Insufficient Funds Detector works to keep poor millennials from overdrawing, resulting in a lecture from their parents or debtor’s prison (is that still a thing?) Simply connect your iPhone to your online checking and/or savings account, then, whenever you exhibit signs of potential spending, your phone will warn you. If you’re on Fandango looking at movie showings, browsing Yelp! Reviews for a new restaurant, spending any time on Amazon, or just texting a friend, “Hey want to go grab a bite to eat?”—your iPhone will check your bank account, and if it’s too low for frivolous card swiping, it will send you a notification. “Looks like your bank account is running low on funds. Are you sure you want to spend?”
Diverse Alert Tones: You’re in a coffee shop (or wherever cool teens hang out these days) and you hear the familiar ding of an iPhone receiving a notification. If you look around the room, everyone and their mother are currently digging through their purses/pockets to make sure it wasn’t theirs. Even those who know that their phone is on silent, still check “just to be sure.” If you would give us more than six options for a text tone maybe this confusion would be lifted and everyone would stop getting the false hope that someone wanted to talk to them.
Risky Text Mode: Risky Text Mode is a setting you can turn your phone on for those times you’re knees deep in gossip and/or a fight with someone via text. If you activate this mode, you’ll get an alert each time you’re about to send a text. The alert will read: “Are you sure you want to send this?” The purpose of this alert is to, A. give you one more chance to reevaluate your choice of words, etc. B. a chance to let your frustration simmer, and most importantly, C. serve as a guardrail for the accidental send. There’s nothing worse than realizing the text about Sally that you were supposed to send to Bob actually got sent to Sally instead. Risky Text Mode will significantly reduce the number of “DID I REALLY JUST SEND THAT?” panic attacks—in turn, reducing heart disease, probably.
Parental Control Ringtone: This one goes more for high schoolers but can be beneficial to people of any age, because let’s face it: your parents are always trying to contact you for some reason. Parent Control Ringtone will let out a sound barrier breaking ring and a vibration that shakes the earth whenever your parents call you. Parent Control Ringtones team up with Siri to give you a verbal cue on what your parents are potentially calling about. For example, if it’s past midnight and the parental control ringtone activates, Siri will say “You should probably come home now.” Or, “Where are you?” If it’s an 8 a.m. on a weekday and your mom calls, Siri will alert you with “This call will be disguised as a casual chat but it’s really to see if you’re still asleep or if you’re on your way to class.”
We all know the day any of this happens is the day Taylor Swift gets into a stable relationship, (hint: never). So, bring an extra charger with you wherever you go and enjoy the new stock wallpapers.
