I was incredibly fortunate to have had a first year of college that I can look back on with such fond memories. I found a place where I am happy, with a surprising number of amazing people whom I can call my friends, and an academic setting that I find to be challenging yet manageable. I am beyond excited to return to Occidental College, the place that feels like a second home to me. All this said, I am also terrified to go back. Though I no longer have the “first-year fears” that came from being in a new place surrounded by all new people, in a way, this year feels like a “first” of its own kind.
I have never had a second year of college; I have never had to re-integrate myself into the, realistically, very young relationships I made there, and I am sure that my second year of higher education will provide a myriad of academic and professional challenges as well. This may all sound insane to many people. In general, I am a fairly anxious person; I worry more than I should about most things, overthinking situations to an extreme extent. I do know, however, that I am not the only one who has some fear/anxiety about going back.
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Here are some of the most common concerns I have:
1. What if I’m still not sure what I want to study?
There is a major that I am 98.9 percent sure I will pursue, but I’m hoping to choose a minor as well, which is proving to be difficult. Asking various members of my family their opinions, I have heard over and over, lots of minors “can be beneficial, depending on the career path you plan on pursuing.” As much as I love having so many options, this statement opens up another stressful can-of-worms of its own, being that I don’t have any idea what I want to do after college. So, you can see my concern here.
2. What about all the ~ friends ~ I had?
I am confident that the people I considered my best friends and my good friends will still be there in the upcoming months. However, in college especially, I have made so many casual-type of friendships of which I'm less sure. My first year, I had an abundance of people I would always say “hi” to when I passed them in the quad, or acquaintances I’d have brief conversations with in line at the dining hall, or even people I thought I was decent friends with, but rarely heard from/made an effort to talk to over the summer. What happens with these relationships when I return? While this is up to me and the effort I am willing to put in, it is also something that will depend on the ~vibe~ of the other person, making this a mild concern as I return.
3. Am I going to be good enough to get an internship next summer?
I have made it a goal of mine to have an internship next summer, somewhere out of my home state (and hopefully something that pays) in an attempt at giving myself some more meaningful work experience. My fear of not achieving this is, more likely than not, a product of the amount of pressure I put on myself in an attempt to figure out what I want to do with my life. In my mind, it feels as though if I cannot make these small steps (deciding what I want to study, getting an internship), I will never determine a career path for myself, let alone actually be able to follow that path.
4. What if it’s just not as fun as it was last year?
Things can easily build up in my head. I tend to romanticize the past; what if I didn’t really love my life at school as much as I am remembering? Or even more scar, what if this year just isn’t as much fun? Sophomore year presents so many new challenges, I no longer have the “first-year excuse” of not 100 percent knowing how things work. One year into school, a quarter of the way through, I feel that I need to start putting my full effort into my classes and my planning for the future.
I am confident that once I do return to school, the fears that I have will (more or less) subside. The smaller ones will resolve within the first couple weeks at school, and the bigger ones will obviously take time. They are, in all honesty, the questions that people go to college to find answers to, the “what do I want to do?” Though I’m sure this year will present all new kinds of difficulties, I am hopeful that it will also bring many more great experiences.
