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Politics and Activism

I Fear Small Spaces

Control freak?

79
I Fear Small Spaces
I fear small spaces.
I hate the feeling of someone’s hands around my wrists,
Or my ankles.
I feel like I’m suffocating.
Not knowing when I can go home
In 10 minutes, or in another 6 hours?
The not knowing is what pains me.
Not being able to decide for myself is what kills me.
It blurs my vision,
It speeds my heart rate,
Makes my breathing shallow.
When? When? When?
I cannot feel STUCK.
It isn’t that I don’t like the feeling
Of being so close to someone.
It isn’t that I don’t like being there
Making tacos or sitting behind a computer monitor.
It’s that it’s not a choice.
Not my choice.
When, where, why, how?
I used to think I was a control freak
But thanks to being able to do the things I love,
When I’m not sitting behind a computer or making tacos
Getting paid, but
Alone
Sitting on a curb in the sun
Or listening to music alone in my room
Singing
Running errands
Alone,
I feel viscerally me. THIS is Megan.
I describe my favorite songs as, “songs that make me feel like I am laying in a field of tall grass, staring up at the sky as a million monarch butterflies float around me.” Like the music video for Saint Simon by The Shins.
Folky? Control freak, immature, unmotivated…maybe I’m just a free spirit.
Or maybe that’s me being too forgiving of my unconventional ways.
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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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