The Fear of Sacrifice and Commitment | The Odyssey Online
Start writing a post
Entertainment

The Fear of Sacrifice and Commitment

Every relationship will require that both parties, not just one, makes sacrifices for the greater good of the relationship.

406
The Fear of Sacrifice and Commitment
Wikimedia

Giving you up in relationships equals boundary issues.

Think: people pleasing, playing roles, overfunctioning and overcompensating, not addressing code amber and red behaviour, morphing, blending and adapting to suit whichever partner you’re with, and putting your partners on a pedestal by treating them as if they’re an authority over you and a parental replacement.

These habits not only guarantee pain but they also cut you off from intimacy–you can’t do these and be yourself and be vulnerable, which also cuts off commitment and the other landmarks of healthy relationships.

When you associate relationships with sacrifice, very often, it’s fear of loss of freedom and/or fear of loss of self, the irony being that to avoid sacrificing in this way, you procrastinate in an unavailable relationship where you can almost feel as if you’re a prisoner of your own fears and are playing a role where you’re anything but yourself.

It can appear as if you’re not only trying but damn near breaking your back in your relationships but it’s still avoidance. On some level, you will fear that committing will be cosigning to the painful future loss that your fears tell you is going to happen [and that your current relationship habits are acting as ‘protection’ for]. You’re making motions but you’re not having to commit.

If you on some level fear that being in a relationship is going to result in sacrificing you or that being vulnerable is going to result in sacrificing you, it’s because you’ve either witnessed this in key relationships in your life and vowed, “I’m never going to put myself in the same situation as my mother/father/whoever it was”, and/or you’ve been sacrificing you in your relationships (because you believe that this is something that you have to do because the other person is seen as more important/valuable and are trying to create a tipping point of reciprocation so you can increase self-worth) and each hurt is feeding the fears and also renewing the vow that you’ll never put you ‘back there’ again, ‘back there’ being the source of the original hurt that set the stage for this pattern of sacrifice.

It’s a vicious circle because, if you on some level fear that you will lose something by being in a relationship or by opening you up to vulnerability, you make decisions on that basis and you’re either going to be outside of a relationship, ‘free’, but still afraid, or attempting to be in a relationship or in one, but also still afraid. Relationships will equal loss and who wants to ‘lose’?

You will also sacrifice the things that you truly want, need, and desire because you’re catering to these fears and forgetting who you truly are.

It’s also critical to note that any relationship where the other party expects you to give you up as a way of ‘proving’ your love and making them more important, is a relationship to run in the opposite direction from, FAST.

If you recognize that you have this fear of sacrifice /fear of commitment, recognizing its origins is the beginning of using awareness to break that pattern and to work through anything that needs some healing attention. An easy starting point is: Who taught me that this is what relationships look and feel like? Who or what taught me to be afraid?

So examine where your story of relationships are about sacrifice came from. Ask questions, examine your family connections or your relationship history and see where you can rewrite that story and address any old hurts that are presenting themselves in your current relationship habits, because it’s not worth sacrificing your life and hurting you, just to keep old stories in play.

Ultimately, the real sacrifice that you have to make is giving up the value of the protection that these beliefs and stories give you (hiding out) for something more valuable and important to you (your true self and the relationship you want).

Report this Content
This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
Chalk drawing of scales weighing "good" and "bad" on a blackboard.
WP content

Being a good person does not depend on your religion or status in life, your race or skin color, political views or culture. It depends on how good you treat others.

We are all born to do something great. Whether that be to grow up and become a doctor and save the lives of thousands of people, run a marathon, win the Noble Peace Prize, or be the greatest mother or father for your own future children one day. Regardless, we are all born with a purpose. But in between birth and death lies a path that life paves for us; a path that we must fill with something that gives our lives meaning.

Keep Reading...Show less
Health and Wellness

10 Hygiene Tips For All College Athletes

College athletes, it's time we talk about sports hygiene.

5282
Woman doing pull-ups on bars with sun shining behind her.

I got a request to talk about college athletes hygiene so here it is.

College athletes, I get it, you are busy! From class, to morning workouts, to study table, to practice, and more. But that does not excuse the fact that your hygiene comes first! Here are some tips when it comes to taking care of your self.

Keep Reading...Show less
Jenna Pizzi and her mom smiling by a waterfront with a historic ship in the background.
Jenna Pizzi

There is always a time in the semester when you have about three papers, four tests, five assignments and two projects due within the same time period. Isn't that just the best?

It's almost as if the professors all plot against you just to make college even more stressful than it already is. No matter how many people try to make you feel better, no one ever compares to your mom. Moms always know exactly what to say.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

7 Jobs Your Roommate Has

She's got your back with everything that college throws at you.

3431
Cristina Yang and Meredith Grey in scrubs sit against a wall, smiling and enjoying a break.

If you are anything like my roommate and I, you have a friendship with your roomie. You’re lucky to have gotten a roommate that is easy to get along with and more importantly cool to live with. Whether you found her on Facebook or went random, a roommate is a big part of life in college. This list goes through some of the jobs that a roommate has that help you get through college.

Keep Reading...Show less
Student Life

35 Things I Wish I Learned In My Freshman Year Of College

Just some relatable college student advice! Yes, you aren’t the only one!

2666
Towson University
YouTube

Freshman year can either be the greatest year, or the roughest year. It depends on your transition and how you adjust. For me, freshman year in college was one of the best years of my life. However, looking back, there are a few things that I wish I learned.

Now that I am a sophomore, I can finally do things a little differently. Here are a few things that I wish I learned my freshman year of college!

Keep Reading...Show less

Subscribe to Our Newsletter

Facebook Comments