We all cope with the void of intimacy in different ways. Some resort getting lost in fantasy novels or television shows, while others hide amongst a sea of people. To avoid facing the reality of what is missing in our lives, and what we don't know how to care for, we are willing to deprive ourselves of one of the most purest and essential things in our lives: Intimacy. But not just the sexual type of intimacy, but any type of intimacy, with a friend, parent, sibling etc. We run away from it at all costs, to avoid the pain.
Possible cause of the fear intimacy: trust issues
Maybe someone did us wrong in the past, and let us down. Someone like a parent, who neglected us, or even older siblings, or a friend. Someone we trusted disappointed us. But could it be that impactful that someone let us down? Should we not expect others to let us down? Not really. Yes, we are all imperfect human beings, and we are going to make mistakes and disappoint others, and in those honest instances, disappointment is forgivable.
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However, what isn't forgivable is being intentionally deceptive, and taking advantage of someone's vulnerability. If someone has opened up to you in the past, that is a gift. By you intentionally betraying them, and making them believe in you, only to disappoint them, is throwing away that gift; that gift, that is rare now. You have now dimmed the light of a hopeful, looking to brighten others' days. You have now, possibly, made them bitter, and, in the worst case, depressed and disillusioned. That is cruel. That is inhumane.
We should be building ourselves, not breaking us down.
Possible coping mechanism: drowning ourselves in a sea of people
Some drown themselves in a sea of people, meeting as many people as possible at one time, to temporarily fill the need of genuine interaction, and to hide and blend with the crowd. No one will suspect them there. They have become chameleons, able to adapt to any environment, and have formed the perfect image of themselves, where the world could see. How do they make this image? Easy. When people search through their Facebook profile, now they see pictures of them at a concert, or amusement park, chugging some beers etc. Oh, what a fun life. Now they see him as the party boy, who is clearly loved by many, living "intentionally", and living life to the fullest. They have set up the viewers to see them the way they want to be seen. This perception, at times, is taken as that persons entire reality, when in fact, it is only glimpses into their lives.
Someone out there may happen to know the whole story about this image of a person. They may know their worries. They may know they just got out of a two-year relationship, and now they are heart-broken, desperately in search of their soul, and wandering around aimlessly. They may even know their inspiration in life has just passed away, and they have no one to really talk to about that.
Someone out there could know their reality, beyond their Facebook feed, and beyond their image. Someone may know this person is lost, and that this image they have created of themselves is simply to hide their pain, and bewilderment, and the fragile being they are. They choose that image, to cope, instead of expressing what they truly believe, in fear of being a burden to others.
One thing they don't know, though, is that being vulnerable, and trusting another person is actually a gift, not a burden. Allowing someone else to see your human side, that is the most beatiful gift you could ever give someone.
Final thought
Intimacy is needed, but until we start being honest with ourselves, and with others, we won't achieve being intimate.
Friendships, and relationships of any kind, built on images and ideas have no essence, and no true meaning; how could they? Reality is the only truth we must accept, and learn to cope with, the right way.
Once you realize that you are the only person you have to impress, that, my friend, is when you truly start living, and start having more quality relationships, with substance and dense with meaning.
Once you realize that your fear of intimacy is only holding you back, you become stronger, as you become more vulnerable. You are a gift, then.
