Today I will be turning in my application for New York University - my dream school. My portfolio waits patiently within the confines of my personal computer, but I'm not sure if it's ready for the big leagues just yet. I'll have to wait a month before I learn my fate. The decision I am facing isn't like my peers and the stakes are too high for me to bear. Most of my close friends have chosen in-state schools, like WVU, with a future of little loans. I have taken the path of possibly uprooting my life and moving eight hours away, in the biggest city in the country. The change would be extremely drastic from my hometown with two traffic lights.
So as I've watched my friends become accepted, attend local events for their future college, and tour their major's courses, I have been working on a portfolio. Again, because I never make anything easy, I've decided to throw my talents into the art of writing. Some may say it is a waste, but I know the choices. I can either live out a mediocre life, never feeling fulfilled, or I can give my best effort into a passion I love. The latter is an easy pick for me. I feel envious of my friends who have it figured out, who are making dorm down payments as I bite my nails in the hopes of getting in. I crave the admissions letter, just so I can have peace of mind.
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The hours I have spent crafting my portfolio are countless. I had to teach myself the formatting of screenwriting in the process, and am frightened by my lack of experience in the field. The fate of my next four years lie in the hands of men and women that I have never met. The truth is, I am stubborn when it comes to my college selection. NYU is my dream school and the thought of attending anywhere else sickens me. I have put an enormous amount of effort into my academics and extra-circulars in the hope of appealing to the admissions workers. After years of working towards my future, I now have a month to just wait. I can do nothing but count down the days and pray to any force there is for hope. I'm terrified to be unaware of the course of my future, all riding on one application and a three-part portfolio.
I've been told countless times to have a "plan b", to face the possibility of being rejected, to pick alternative choices. While these are admittedly wise words of advice, I have kept the mindset that if I work hard enough, and believe just a bit more, I will get in. If student candidates were rated on their hopeful wishes, I would be the first admitted. I have refused to admit defeat or show any doubt. I need to believe in myself before any admissions member believes in me.
On December 15th, I will know my fate. Whether it be my dream school accepted me, or I have to succumb to a lesser school, I will know where I will end up. Four years is a lot to invest in, even more so in the context of college. I picked my school based on its credibility for my major, so being rejected would turn my projected major on its back. Regardless of my impatient nature, I must face the clock. Perhaps it isn't the wait at all, but the fear of failure that has my heart beating so quickly. I have placed the upmost importance on this decision, and to be rejected in the face of my outspoken love for NYU would be horrific. The closer the deadline draws in, the more anxious and doubtful I become. Will I worry myself sick until December? Most likely - but who hasn't had moments like these?
I suppose I am to trust in my knowledge and abilities - to let fate run its course but I've never been great at following the course anways.
