When I first started climbing, I was too young to know about the danger that it possessed. My first thoughts when I reached the top of the wall were joy from finishing, not fear of the daunting gap between me and the ground 40 feet below.The older I got, the wider that gap seemed, and pretty soon I found myself incapable of focusing on my climb while up in the air.
There are plenty of reasons someone gets scared while on the wall. Maybe it's as simple as heights, maybe they don't like the idea of falling, or maybe they don't trust their belayer. Whichever it is, they can make the climbing experience awful.
The first time I really realized that I needed to work on my fear was on the wall at my 3rd National Competition. Before I was even up 30 feet, I could feel myself begin to shake. I lost my breath, and everything except my terror disappeared from my mind. With my focus on my fear, I made a stupid mistake and fell low. Although I was disappointed in my climbing, I was mostly concerned about how I felt on the wall. Climbing like that wasn't fun- miserable even.
Months passes, and I was still trudging to each practice with the gut-wrenching terror holding me down.
Flash forwards to 2014 Sport Divisionals... Of course I was nervous- I finally got another shot at competing nationally. I wasn't excited, but instead was attending the event because of a sense or responsibility to my family, my teammates, and my coaches. I would not regret it.
I may not have placed my best but I was ecstatic. While on the wall, I had not been plagued by doubt, nerves, or dread. I was just climbing. It had been so long since I had bee able to truly climb, that those Divisionals are easily one of my favorite experiences. I placed moderately well, enough to slide my way into qualifying for Nationals the next month. My fear of climbing may not have disappeared during those few hours, but pretty soon, I was able to fall back in love with the sport.
What caused someone who had been climbing longer than they had not to suddenly forget everything they loved about it? What was it about that random competition that helped me rediscover climbing for what it really was? I have no idea, but the amount of fear I went through during those months taught me at least one good thing:
The only thing that can really stop you from doing what you want is your mind.
