I’m sharing this because I think girls don’t even realize that having this mindset could be negatively hindering a relationship before it has even really began.
Recently, I've been getting involved with a guy I just met (not physically; just romantically and emotionally). We’ve been taking time to get to know each other and we decided that we wanted to see where things go.
The details of our relationship are unimportant, but I just wanted to set up the situation. I've only ever had one boyfriend - and it was quite toxic - so naturally I want to be cautious about the next boy. So this time around, I've given myself 3 rules/statements to live by in regards to the one that I’m currently talking to. They are as follows:
- I will not allow my fear to get in the way of loving him the best I can.
- I will not base this relationship on anything other than God. I will stay grounded in my faith and my boundaries.
- I will not settle, and will immediately leave this relationship if it is not up to standard.
In this article, I want to focus on the first rule. In this new year, I find myself having sort of this fearless spirit. In the Bible, 2 Timothy 1:7 reads, "For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline."
There is a positive and negative way to handle fear. An example of taking that fear and using it to better yourself is to go into a relationship being cautious and smart. This includes setting healthy boundaries, sticking to boundaries, being true to yourself and what you deserve. Those things will allow you to better yourself in the long run. On the other side, a negative example of using fear would be being so reserved and so cautious that you don’t get to enjoy the person you genuinely like. That’s a problem because you're letting fear control your life in a way where you won't let yourself do anything with that person.
Girls have this tendency of being scared to love, fall in love, date, open up, be vulnerable, over affectionate, etc. The list goes on and on. Girls tend to want to be more reserved because of past relationships and broken-heartedness. We’re scared of being hurt, making the same mistakes, and failing. Which, this makes perfect sense; you don’t wanna be so carefree and naive that you allow anything.
I don’t want to be so scared of love that I miss out on what true love can look like. That’s really something to be afraid of. Guarding your heart is different than being scared to love. You getting so wrapped up in the idea that falling in love is a bad thing or will be bad that you don’t get to love that person the way that you wanted to before it was all over is terrifying (to me at least). At some point in time, you do have to realize that you like this person, and this person likes you too.
You just kinda have to take that leap of faith, continue to pray about it and give it to God, and then go for it. The enemy is telling you that you're unlovable, that you'll never find a good guy, and all guys are the same. But we know this is not true. With that kind of mentality, you're going to end up shutting down person after person.
Ultimately, ladies, remember this: God is in control and whatever He wants/needs to be done in your life will happen.
This is not a free pass to do whatever you want or be careless and messy in your relationships. That’s not being smart and that’s not what we want. We want to smart decisions, not fear-driven decisions. For example, a smart decision would be limiting the time spent with this boy because you don’t want to get attached too fast. A fear driven decision is not allowing yourself to hang out with him at all or denying his invitation EVERY TIME he wants to hang out (when you know you guys like each other) because you're scared to fall for him. It’s more of allowing yourself to say, “I’m not going to be so scared that it hinders me from opening up and showing that I like you as well.”
I’m not saying that once you let fear go you'll find the man of your dreams, you'll have a perfect relationship, or everything will be smooth. Things most definitely could end up going sour (let’s be real). But what I am saying is that once fear loses a grip on your love life, you’ll see some extraordinary things.
Even if this relationship does not work out, I can be proud of myself for giving him the benefit of the doubt and knowing that I showed love to him the best way I could.
