I grew up scared. There was alcoholism, screaming and violence in my home. Everything I did was wrong. I was watched for the mistakes I'd make. I was blamed for most things. I was told I should've never been born.
Talk about scared.
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With the violence going on around me, I didn't know if I was going to be alive and well on a day-to-day basis. I was afraid of making mistakes -- any mistake. I was afraid I was violating the laws of the universe by being alive. I shouldn't have been born.
At 10 years old, I tried to commit suicide. I was anxious all of the time. Nothing about me was good, true or safe. I ruined everything. Even though I really loved people and wanted to do good things for them, it always backfired.
I was a 16-year-old atheist. I had all kinds of good logical reasons about the lack of existence of God. Surely, if there was a God, I wouldn't have gone through what I went through. Underneath it all, the God I proclaimed didn't exist was the God I blamed for everything that happened to me. But I had a powerful touch by the Holy Spirit in the most random way. Since I didn't know what that was, I asked: "Is this you, God?" And He spoke. Wow. How wrong had I been! After speaking to God for about an hour, I stood up and felt as light as a feather. I realized that was the moment I felt peace in my life for the very first time. I was done with atheism. I read and devoured the Bible. I was in love with Jesus and high on the Holy Spirit all the time.
I don't know if you know this, but the Christian life is not easy. There is a clear distinction between how good, perfect and amazing God is and the people who give their lives to him. People are far from perfect and if you are not careful, you will begin to attribute to God the broken things that only broken people do.
I was serving God and I realized that God manifests his goodness in us only to the degree to which we allow him. The problem is that most people do not allow much of his goodness in them. It's either their own self-righteous morality or their broken lusts.
But when people hurt me, fear came. The fear I felt as a little girl. The fear that made me believe I was going to die. The fear that told me everything I did was wrong. That fear, it came, and it paralyzed me. In 2013, I was working for a manipulative and threatening employer and I almost went crazy. I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and panic disorder. Talk about being afraid of everything.
Now, if you are a person who has not grown up in a threatening household or have had a traumatic experience, these things are very real. You cannot prescribe a quick-fix or have a one-size-fits-all approach.
This, however, is what I've learned about fear that has helped me:
It is a lie.
During therapy, I was given a cognitive behavioral approach. My therapist asked me to repeat to myself out loud the thoughts that were coming in my head. I started doing this and I was shocked. The lies didn't even make sense. "He's gonna kill me." No he's not! He's my boss. "They don't like me." Do I have proof for that? "I'm gonna fail." How do I know that for sure? The lies the devil will tell you are plenty and the only way to shoot them down is with the truth of the Word of God. Trust me, I did all of the positive self-talk and it doesn't work. Only God's words are true. So drench yourself in the Word of God. Pray. Worship. You need your mind renewed so that you are quicker to turn down the lies.
It uses your insecurities.
I grew up thinking I should have never been born, so whenever I was anywhere and I felt a little awkward, I immediately started to think that I shouldn't be there. I began to believe that people did not want me there and that I was not welcomed. I became afraid. The lies came quickly about no one liking me, loving me or wanting me. But again, only the truth of the Word of God will set you free!
It uses your sins
If you are going somewhere you know you are not supposed to go, you're giving fear a platform. If you are doing something you know you are not supposed to do, you are swinging the doors of fear in your life. You need to turn to God and let Him straighten your path and guide you. You will only be protected in His will. You don't believe me? Go try to do things on your own will and strength. You'll remember these words when you are in the belly of the fish, just like Jonah.
So... God came into my life, took all of my fears away, gave me supernatural peace and then I let people and circumstances take it from me? Oh no! I need to set my life straight.
God loves me. I was divinely ordained to be born. I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I am royalty. I am accepted. I am free.
Let the roots of God's love grow deeper in your heart. There is no need to be afraid when you know you are perfectly loved. We were not called to keep the love of God to ourselves but to give it to the world that needs it most.
Let God love you. Let yourself be a conduit of that love. Be love. Be fearless.
