Back in elementary school, TeenNick was the place to be. We all watched Drake and Josh's goofy antics, wanted Zoey's perfect life, and learned some incredibly valuable tips from Ned Bigby (particularly my personal favorite: “Don't get in the way of eighth graders": it's still relevant but for completely different reasons). Unfortunately, we never got to see them actually grow up. Ned didn't even leave middle school, and he was already having an active love life and misadventures with a wacky janitor. What would these guys have been like in college?
1. Drake Parker.
Drake went frat. Would you expect anything else? While Josh was stoked about all of the awesome professors he would get to meet in his difficult classes, Drake was ready for all of the college girls he would meet. Armed with his guitar skills, singing skills, and general girl-catching skills, Drake sailed through rush and easily got a bid. Between serenading girls, partying with girls, and going to more sorority date parties than most sorority girls, Drake had an awesome time in college! Unfortunately, between all of that he kind of forgot to go to all of his classes. Good thing Josh is smart, right?
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2. Josh Nichols.
Drake and Josh were pretty pumped to go to college together and be roommates again (but with a much less awesome room than their room from the TV show), and Josh in particular was excited for his classes. When Drake announced that he was rushing, Josh decided that he wanted to rush too. After all, being in a fraternity is all about meeting older guys in your major and getting those alumni connections, right? At rush, he excitedly talked to everyone about Oprah, magic tricks, and the time he stuck an olive up his nose. Since I'm a girl I've never rushed a fraternity, so there is a slight possibility that these topics are considered cool there, but Josh didn't have any luck during his first round of rush and didn't get a bid. But Drake got involved with his fraternity (and hilariously coached Josh on how to be cool), so by his sophomore year Josh was in. And now they're DOUBLE-BROTHERS.
3. Zoey Brooks.
Remember how ridiculously perfect Zoey's life was back at PCH? Well it sure as hell didn't stop being perfect there. In college, Zoey was that girl that was all over campus. She was in a sorority, she had a million positions within the sorority, she was involved in student government, she always managed to get the cool internships, she played sports, and of course she didn't gain the freshman fifteen. In between all of her activities, she still managed to find time to regularly chat with her old friend Chase and let him know about all of the new (male) friends she was making in college. Sorry, buddy.
4. Ned Bigby.
Ned, Cookie, and Moze all went to different colleges, and that was pretty tough for Ned. Who was going to help him with the Guide? He came up with a few hilarious tips about surviving in dorms, getting along with your roommate, and eating in the dining halls, but had no one to share them with. Ned thought that maybe this would be the end of the guide. However, then his life changed when he started writing for The Odyssey. Finally, he had somewhere to publicize his tips! Listicles are all over the Internet, and Ned and his tips fit right in. With extremely relevant tips like “Make sure your TA doesn't hate you", “Eating pizza every day is delicious, but be careful about what it'll do to your body", and the obligatory “Don't feel pressured to drink in college", the Guide is stronger than ever!
