No matter where you are in the college process, we all have, either by choice or by force, been swayed into getting a Four Loko. It may have been because you were strapped for cash that week and couldn't afford that fancy bottle of $20 Svedka or just because you felt like getting sufficiently inebriated for $3. Whatever your reason may be, the type of flavor you choose says a lot about you. I consider myself a Four Loko connoisseur of sorts, but still despite my desperate attempts to be fair to all flavors, I do have some that I dislike. I will attempt to be fair as possible, but sometimes when talking about Lokos, my emotions might get the best of me.
1. Lemonade
Lemonade is a very important flavor for beginners and for those who like to err on the side of caution. People who like to drink these are usually those who like to play it safe. They are not too keen to adventure and would rather stick with a flavor they know and love, rather than risk the consequence of hating a new flavor.
2. Grape
Grape is a flavor I personally don't like, but I will try to be as unbiased as possible. Grape is a flavor that is very reliable. You can always find it in any convenience store, may it be 7/11 or Byrne Dairy. Just like the people that drink them, Grape Lokos are always around, whether you want them to be or not. Just kidding; you always want them around, let's be fair. You can always count on the Grape Loko drinker to pick you up for a ride or go for an alc run with you. Kudos.
3. Watermelon
Watermelon Loko is another one of those flavors that just never gets old. You never get tired of being around a Watermelon Loko drinker, no matter how much you hang out with them. They are always there to get drunk with and talk you through every single issue you have ever had. Watermelon Loko drinkers mostly drink these because of the very high alcohol/volume because we all know they can handle it.
4. G O L D
Gold Loko is a VERY IMPORTANT new flavor. This flavor is unknown to the drinker until the can touches your lips. The people who drink these LOVE to live on the edge. They aren't afraid of the challenge (of the added 2% alcohol/volume) and they take anything that is thrown at them very well. Be very careful, though, because the people who drink these are probably at least a little crazy -- they don't even know what they're getting themselves into.
5. Blue Hurricane
Blue Hurricane Loko is a shock to the system, to say the least. People who drink these are most likely the people who will drink just about anything. Definitely the type of people to keep an eye on because they make the party interesting.
6. Fruit Punch
The people who drink the Fruit Punch Lokos are those who think they can drink two Four Lokos, but get about halfway through the second one and boot. They talk very highly of themselves, but come that second Loko, they are truly feeling it. Though not true of all Fruit Punch drinkers, this is still more of a beginner flavor and is a gateway to more dangerous flavors that may come our way.
7. Strawberry Lemonade
Strawberry Lemonade is one of the newer, harder-to-find Loko flavors. You have to be really determined to try and find this flavor. Personally, I have not yet been able to find this elusive little can yet, but one day I will. Usually the people who drink these are light drinkers because it is easy to drink and tastes almost not like alcohol.
8. Sour Green Apple
Sour Green Apple Four Loko is 100% one of the HARDEST lokos to come across. The people that drink these are those that rarely come out, but when they do, OH MAN, they know how to have fun. They know how to get a party started, but only grace the party with their presence every once in a while. Keep an eye out for these people because they will be the ones to hang out with.
9. Peach
Another hard-to-find flavor, but not nearly as elusive as Green Apple. These are the people at a party who don't always come out, but almost always make a fool of themselves when they do. They get the party started for 45 minutes and THEN are just a hot mess from then on. Too much peach can be a problem. Be alert.
10. Mango
Before this moment right now, I have never before heard of a Mango Four Loko. Until I try it, I can only think positively about it. I feel like this is for the people who don't drink much, but when they do, they have a killer night. They go home with the hottest guy/girl at the party and really make their presence known in a positive way.
11. Black Cherry
You have just got to love Black Cherry. It tastes like a sort of soda I would drink as a kid, but with many more dangerous consequences. The people that drink this are getting a little too old to drink Loko, but still love the cheapness a Loko brings. They are the people who graduated college, but want to live in the glory days forever. Though we wish we could stay in college forever, we all know that can't happen.
12. Margarita
It came to my attention recently that this flavor existed, and all I can think about with this is that the person that buys this does not have enough money to buy a regular margarita. Margaritas can be expensive, I get it, but this is not a very good substitute. Anyways, these are the people that always ask to borrow money when you're out to dinner or wherever. The kids never have enough; be very wary of Margarita Loko drinkers.
Loko can be a very dangerous game for some of us. All Loko drinkers are 100% strong of heart, they like drinking and they know how to have fun. Some flavors, like people, are definitely to be avoided, but I can't control what you do. Try what your heart desires and see where that gets you. But use this as a guide if you're a first time Loko drinker, or a regular who is looking to branch out. Just be careful and pace yourself. Don't get too caught up in the Loko fun. Finally, don't drink if you're under 21; drink responsibly.
