Besides being a writer for the Odyssey, I also have a personal blog which I have not written on in a very long time. It follows my life as a fat, trans, Muslim person. The following content is from (and editted) that blog with the permission of the writer, ME!

Also, I USE REALLY STRONG SEXUAL LANGUAGE!!! Please exercise self-care in whatever way is best for you!

"So first let me start off by saying, FUCK THE INTERNET. Yes, I know I'm using the internet right now, and I know I love the internet but right now, fuck the internet! Let me tell you why!

1. It reflects the ideals of society. [While there are amazing activists constantly trying to challenge and fix the systems that take place, te internet is still a hub for stupidity. A place where people who are not the greatest are able to perpetuate really dangerous societal ideals.]
2. Dumb-ass dudebros (assholy-ish idiots who are most likely racist, fatphobic, transphobic, islamophobic, classist, misogynists,etc) are allowed to exist, for the most part without consequence.
3. MOST IMPORTANTLY, THE FETISHIZATION OF FAT WOMEN

Number 3 is mostly the reason for this rant but the other reasons are equally as valid. So, imagine the following scenario:

As I said in my last post, I am in a new relationship with a really cool person named Alex. She and I have the potential to be very serious. In fact, I already really like her. When I suggested we go to a nicer restaurant in the city I live closest to, she said she was ok with simply going to iHOP because of the amazing breakfast food. The second she mentioned iHOP, I knew (well actually I'm guessing/hoping) that we would be together for a loooong time.

Update: I haven't thought about her since I first wrote this post, like 6 months ago. LOL

So, because Alex and I are going on dates and I am re-exploring my sexuality (I previously identified as asexual, mostly because my boyfriend of the time was as well), I decided I would re-examine sexuality. PLEASE NOTE: Not all asexuals will want to/need to re-examine their sexuality. I was re-examining mine because I settled for my ex, thinking we were going to be together for significantly longer than we were. END NOTE.

OK TW: SEXUAL ACTIVITY

So, in preparation for the possibility of me having sex, I wanted to look up how bigger people with vaginas (I used women in my search but lord knows, I am not a woman) have sex with other women or people with vaginas. What did I get? Guess...did you guess porn, because you would be fucking (LOL pun intended) correct. Not only did I find lesbian porn but there are entire websites filled with videos of XXX FAT BITCHES FUCKING or DIRTY BBW LESBIANS. While it is ok to be curious as to what these videos have to offer, I was more concerned with why there weren't articles or representation of plus-size and larger same sex tutorials and/or resources. Like HELLO?!?!? I deserve to know what I'm doing.

END Trigger Warning

So of course, I wanted to see if there were resources for people with vaginas who weren't plus size. And of FUCKING (LOL again) course, there are! Autostraddle, Huffington Post, Lesbian Advice, Dating Advice, step up your game!!! I want some tips, I want guides and resources, I want to be represented on the internet!!!"

Ok, so that was a short post on how toxic the internet (and people) can be when it comes to women and people of non-normative bodily identities. As you can tell, I was quite angry and had every right to be. Bodies are scary, it takes us years to learn how our own body works. While you might not think the idea of getting to know our bodies was scary, imagine how much help you had. Sex ed, 'the talk' and friends, no matter how wrong or incomplete they might have been, tried everything in their power to help you navigate bodily changes.

Moving on from bodily autonomy, having a body with someone else is also REALLY HARD. Learning about ways of connecting, being intimate or sexual with another body (or bodies) is difficult. It becomes increasingly difficult when we don't have resources or friends to help us out.

What can we do to change this? Demand more of our social medias. Websites like te ones I listed above are great places to start! Demand more of the people who claim to be intersectional thinkers and writers. OR CREATE THE CONTENT YOU WISH TO SEE! Start a blog, join our team! Be a writer, photographer, sexologist, ANYTHING and challenge the ways we restrict bodies from being seen as worthy!