“Fat” is just one of those words. It’s a word with hugely negative connotations in modern society, seen as socially unacceptable, a huge turnoff and an insult. To be fat is to be ugly, to be disliked and to be a pariah; it sparks bullying, depression, eating disorders and low self-esteem. Why? Why is being bigger unacceptable? Ancient female idols were rotund women, and during medieval times, to be large meant you were wealthy and healthy. Why is it that we have shifted our focus to an unhealthy standard? More importantly, why do we take offense to something so trivial?
Dear reader: I need you to know, I myself am, in fact, fat. Surprise! But what’s more is, I am proud. To call me fat is to simply call out what you see: “the sky is blue, that dog barked and Oakleigh is fat.” Thank you, Captain Obvious. I talk freely about it, because it isn’t a secret; you need only look at me to know. I talk positively about it, because I love who I am. I am beautiful. I have beautiful hair, full lips and kind eyes. My weight and body shape don’t define me. However, my size has played a huge role in helping me find happiness in life.
Much like any “pudgy” kid, I started life being made fun of. I spent my primary school years with my best friends being my teachers and siblings. I spent elementary and middle school being targeted by school bullies, gaggles of girls making up rhymes to make fun of me, people waiting at the top of the stairs with a cup of water to pour on me and ruin my day and thousands of insults hitting my ears and heart weekly.
By the time I hit high school, I had thick skin and an empathetic heart for others with low self-esteem. However, I had started to find my peace with who I am and how others treated me. By the time I made it through high school and ventured on my next great adventure, college, I found true joy in who I am and the experience I had in life. See, I finally was able to reflect on the obstacles that were placed in my way and able to reflect on the person I had become because of it.
I’m strong, independent, have found compassion, have found perspective and have found incredible reservoirs of love and support. It took years to reframe my point of view on life, but in doing so, I have come to some wonderful realizations:
The friends and family I have, which give me love and support, love me for who I truly am, regardless of what I might look like.
Relativity is key. You have to work to realize that everyone has a different point of view and obstacles to face. Take everything with a grain of salt; it doesn’t always have to do with you.
To truly love yourself, despite your faults, serves as an incredible example for those around you, especially those who see you as a peer and even more so for those who look up to you.
Act with confidence and consideration and others will find your value and consider you an asset, regardless of preconceived notions based on appearance.
If you take time and energy to love yourself, you magically gain deeper wells of love and energy to give to others.
Self-esteem is cyclical; if you build the esteem of others, they will return the favor.
If you consistently raise your defenses upon encountering others to save yourself from pain, you ward off the potential for true personal connection.
And my most important take-away:
To love oneself takes work. You cannot simply be happy. You must stand up for what you want, what you love and what is best for you. Like a pet or relationship, you need personal attention.
So to you, dear reader, I say: am I fat? Hell yeah! And although I haven’t always been, I am truly happy and I wish the same for you, regardless of who you are, what you’ve done or what you look like.
