Recently, I had a peer ask me what it meant to be asexual. Was I ever physically intimate? Did I kiss people? Date? Get married? What did it feel like? Even though I know she meant no harm in her completely innocent questions, it opened my eyes to how many people didn’t understand asexuality. So, in order to educate the masses, I decided to write about my experience being ace through a series of Q+A. Here are some frequently asked questions about asexuality.
What is it?
Asexuality is defined as the lack of sexual attraction to any gender. It’s not synonymous with celibacy, which is the conscious choice to not have sex.
Recommended for you
What does that mean?
If you’re not ace or within the ace spectrum, you have a tendency to look at someone and go “yup!” and the rest of your body also responds with “yup!” Asexuals literally can’t relate. I may look at people and have an aesthetic attraction but it never progresses much past that.
Can you get married?
Absolutely! Being ace doesn’t stop us from falling in love (that’s part of the romantic spectrum of attraction). Many aces do in fact get married and have what is considered a “normal” life by society’s standards. However, other aces are just as content being by themselves — the problem with being in a relationship when you’re asexual is that your partner has to come to terms with an emotion they will never understand.
Can you have kids?
This is usually a roundabout way of asking if we can have intercourse. The answer, of course, is commonly yes. However, many asexuals choose not to simply because they are "sex-repulsed" or made uncomfortable by the concept of sex. Being asexual does not change our ability to have sex, but just our attraction to people.
So do you not have emotions?
Fun fact! Asexuals do have emotions! We are not robots, nor are we plants, or any other "witty" biology joke you may think we haven't heard yet. We can still have romantic attraction, or even platonic attraction. There's more to this world than just physical attraction, guys.
So you're basically straight?
While it's possibly asexuals can be straight passing, we do still face some challenges that are unique to our specific sexuality. I won't get into it as it's all rather dark, but people attempt to convert asexuals, and ace people can commonly feel "broken" or "wrong." Without the proper education, many doubt themselves and try just about anything they can to feel normal.
When did you realize you were ace?
The first time I realized I was asexual, I was talking with a group of friends. They were discussing some guy that they all thought was hot and I just realized that no matter what I did or who I thought of, I genuinely couldn't relate. I thought for the longest time that I was broken, and did as much as I could to reverse it. However, nothing worked, so I ended up doing research to figure out what I was.
Do you have anything you'd like to say to questioning youth?
Sexuality is fluid. It's okay to think of yourself in one instance, and something else the next. Find whatever makes you comfortable, and most of all, do any research you feel is necessary! Keep questioning everything! It's never wrong to be curious, unless what you're doing is hurting yourself or other people. Just do anything you can to find yourself, and know that no matter what the important people in your life say, I will always love you unconditionally.
All I want is for people who are genuinely just not knowledgable about this subject, and if this article reaches someone who thought they were wrong, I want you to know that I love you and you are perfect. Thank you all for reading this, and if you have any questions let me know!
