As football season draws near, it is time for fantasy leagues across the country to assemble their top talent in hopes of winning whatever "trophy" they find sacred within their group. We have waited all summer to show our friends who the real MVP truly is. From trades and injuries during the offseason to watching each training camp, looking for the best of the best for your team, you are ready. However, things do not always go as planned during the NFL's regular season and that is what makes fantasy football both heartbreaking and hilarious, depending upon where you sit.
1. The one player you have been dreaming about is stolen from you in the first pick of the first round by the kid you hate the most in your league.
You have tracked a versatile player for the entire offseason, you think that nobody else has a clue who he is, until Tristan The Goon comes in and grabs him before you even have time to say "Football." You are devastated and it ruins the rest of the draft for you. Sure, you can grab the next best player, but your prized possession was stolen from you. It's like seeing the cutest puppy in the world sitting on a bridge. You really want that puppy and as you are about to pick him up, Tristan comes flying across three lanes of traffic just to punt the puppy off the bridge. Yeah, that's what it feels like.
2. Sitting in a room together during your draft can bring the worst out of people.
A live draft that takes place in one room can be exciting, heartbreaking, and intense. Being with your friends and talking sports sounds like a great time, until the draft bell rings and you begin to prep your mock lineup. With each round, the pool of players begins to diminish, and that is where the air in the room turns into hostility. You can feel it. At that time, you begin to yell, curse, and even contemplate setting a small fire to deter the others from the draft. What turns fantasy league into a nightmare during the regular season is when one of your friends brings up something personal. It always happens. Friend #1 steals a player that he remembers friend #2 talking about earlier. He was hoping to negotiate a trade until friend #2 begins bashing friend #1's obsession with Pokemon. After that, the rest of the season's message board goes something like:
Commissioner: "Hey guys submit your trades before 9pm tonight."
Friend #2: "Got it, I'll do that after work."
Friend #1: "Nobody cares about you ^^^."
Commissioner: "It's week 10 guys, can we please stop?"
3. Fantasy football is a great hobby for friends that do not live very close to one another. Childhood buddies can stay in touch through it.
Being in a fantasy league with your best friends can be a great way to handle long distances apart from them. Maybe you have jobs in different states or go to college in different states, it is a great way to keep in touch. However, if they are truly your best friends, then the message board can be a hilarious freak show. You can go from talking about a trade to discussing a woman that you find attractive. It can even become a source for bribery. For example:
Jim: "Hey Stan, can we please talk about a trade for Odell Beckham Jr.?"
Stan: "I guess, who ya willing to trade for him?"
Jim: "Uhhh, I don't have a lot of star players. I could give you Manning?"
Stan: "Ok, I'll take Manning and I'll also take that sweet jersey hanging on your bedroom wall signed by Tom Brady..."
Jim: "Dude, come on, you know I can't do that. My dad got that for me."
Stan: "Darn, sorry, no OBJ for youuuuu. LOL."
Jim: "Ok... You can have it."
Stan: "Dope, OBJ is all yours. ;)"
4. There's always that one guy who has to name their team something clever or foul.
Never, I mean never, bring your friends into a league with people you work with. Especially not when you boss or someone important in your career is in the league with you. Your friends could care less about your job, they probably wouldn't mind having you fired because then you'll be able to hang out with them more often. You do not want your employer looking at the league and seeing team names such as: "(Insert name of boss) is a total ass" or "Brady and Belichick did 9/11." You just don't want to go there, trust me.
5. The person that is last in the league at the end of the season will not hear the end of it until next season.
Fantasy league is life, it is something that every man needs to have in his life. But to finish last, well, you have no choice but to give up your man card until next season. Being last in your league means that you failed to stay on top of your lineup each week or every player you obtained had the worst season of their lives. It is a hard to pill to swallow especially when you know the people in your league. A night out at the bars, softball leagues, barbecues, or even when someone is in the hospital - there is no escaping at least one comment about your failed manhood.
Are you ready for some football? It will be here before you know it. Prep those lineups, pick those players, and defeat those people in your leagues that wouldn't hesitate to kick a puppy off a bridge.