You've all been deceived...
...into thinking that your favorite famous people are all picture-perfect, flawless human beings. Sure, you've probably heard somewhere or other that Obama is into BDSM or that Ellen Degeneres enjoys raceplay, but you've likely never thought about what celebrities are furries. Understandable, of course: they want to keep it hidden from you. But I'm here to pull aside the curtain that lets you peer into the deepest, darkest corners of your favorite historical figures' and celebrities' minds. Without further adieu, here are the five most well-liked celebrities that you didn't know were furries.
5. Nikola Tesla
Lots of you have probably never even heard of this man, and to be honest, he hasn't done anything particularly noteworthy besides having a cool name which Elon Musk later adopted for his company, Tesla. After Musk founded the electric motor company, Nikola became retroactively famous for having such a unique name, but what most people didn't know about this man was that he was deep in the pits of sexual degeneracy. If you just look at the guy's smug stare, you can tell that something awful going on behind those eyes. Quoting from his personal diary,
"In case anyone decides to write an article about me possibly being a furry, I'd like to confirm that I am, in fact, a furry and I love to yiff."
I feel like I don't even need to say anymore. The quote speaks for itself.
4. Elon Musk
Look at this man. He thinks that just because he's the leading pioneer of space travel (alongside NASA) and because he owns two of the most distinguished companies in the world, that he can just flaunt around his cat ears and studded collar without ridicule. Well, guess again, Elongated Muskrat! This is honestly sickening. Elon isn't even a closet furry at this point, he's just shoving it in everyone's faces. What a degenerate.
3. Mark Zuckerberg
It should come as no surprise to anyone that Mister Zuckerberg is into some deviant stuff. Through his journey to learn about humans and eventually attempt to behave like them, Mark spent some time exploring the dark regions of sexuality and became engrossed by the furry culture. Even though his programmers and yes, even he, himself, attempted to erase the effects of long-term exposure to the bodysuits at furry conventions, there remain traces of a dormant desire to yiff and sniff deep in Zuckerberg's algorithms.
2. Ariana Grande
I feel like I don't even need to explain this one. What kind of sick human, who isn't a furry, would dress like Ariana Grande? At best, Ariana is letting some of her sexual deviancy escape through wearing cat ears and licensing a cat-ear headphone design, and at worst: she's using her platform to slowly brainwash her audience into becoming more and more okay with being furries. Soon enough, you'll see her wearing full-body fursuits on stage, singing "What Does The Fox Say?" and yiffing relentlessly. I say it's time we put a stop to Miss Grande's psychological warfare before it becomes too late.
1. Adolf Hitler
You heard it here first, folks. The totalitarian ruler of the Third Reich from 1934 to 1945, Adolf Hitler, was, in fact, a furry. Obviously, he didn't want this information getting out and possibly delegitimizing his rule, but after his assumed suicide and the defeat of Germany, documents upon documents were released detailing the Führer's obsessive tendency to dress up as a wolf and ask Eva Braun to rub his belly. In his own words,
"Mein Lieblingstier ist der Wolf. Der Wolf ist stark, kraftvoll, und ist der Kopf der Packung,"
which roughly translates to "My favorite pastime is pretending that I'm a wolf and sniffing my officers while they work and pretend not to notice me." It really shines a light on the evils that plagued Hitler's mind, and perhaps maybe on the nature of furries as a whole.
