Everyone wants to be rich right? The money, the cars, the girls, when we look at the movies it's fast cars and freedom when you have the money to blow. Believe me I'm not rich. My parents on the other hand, have a little more than average and I've been incredibly grateful to benefit from it. I've had nice phones, new technology, and wonderful opportunities thanks to the financial situation of my parents.
By no means am I complaining about the luxuries of having a bit more money than most, but I didn't grow up with it like a true "trust-fund baby" so I have a bit of a different perception. When I was growing up, my family was very much "lower-middle class", we budgeted heavily and I wore hand-me-downs from my neighbors down the street. My dad is an engineer and started his own companies, and from there our financial situation changed. We moved out of our little beach home that was too small to fit four growing girls and into "Suburbia" which is an interesting place all on its own.
But with "suburbia" came a lot more changes than I was expecting. Money wasn't what I thought it was back when all I wanted was a kitten at 10 years old, now at 21 I realized the cold hard truth of it.
Time = Money, and the more time at work, the more money you make. Which ended up equating to "More time away from home = more money", and at 10 years-old, a little girl doesn't understand that the price of the new barbie, is her daddy coming in the door for dinner then rushing to his office to finish more work. A middle schooler doesn't understand that the price of the dress she didn't ask for, meant that Dad wouldn't be in the pictures. A freshman doesn't understand that there'll be plenty more first day of school moments for Dad to experience. A senior still wonders why he wasn't there for her senior prom send off. And a 21 year old still wonders why he wasn't there for her "first legal drink" when she made him promise he'd be there.
Everyone looks at life differently, and believe me I am thankful for the gifts that I have been given and the bond between my mother, my sisters, and I (even if, at times, we still want to strangle each other). But for me, the price of money was my father. His intention has always been to provide for our family, but in doing so he pushed us father away. I write this, knowing he won't read it because even though I told him about my accomplishments, he's only heard a few words.
I'm almost grown now, (21 is close to adult-ish right?) and I wonder if we'll ever have a bond. I wonder if we'll ever have that father-daughter dance at my wedding one day. I wonder if he'll ever be around his grandkids one day. If there's one thing I've inherited from him it's my stubbornness and it gets us both into trouble. I wonder if we'll ever get past this resentment towards each other. Mine for feeling abandoned and left to pick up the pieces with my mother and sisters, and his for growing up without him, and not needing him when he tried to reach out to me. I'll admit I still have a lot of growing to do when it comes to forgiveness, but I'm working on it. I hope one day we can have that bond but there is a lot of healing that needs to be done.
Look money is great, it makes life easier and it's nice to have enough not to worry about it. But there are other more important things in life. I know I may sound like a rich whiny kid, but I've gone through a lot of heart break because of money. The price of money is family. My dad lost his and I don't know if he'll get it back. Don't let that be you too.
