In a recent Family Court decision the Judge was moved to summarise the case in the following way. “Unfortunately for these children, their parents have and are engaging in an emotional war of attrition, with the children being used as a method by which each parent inflicts emotional pain on the other parent. The children are collateral damage in this conflict. The abuse has been ongoing since 2004. The heat of the battle waxes and wanes depending on events surrounding the developmental milestones of the children. These parents have successfully imposed the pain of that war on their children and there is no sign of the hostility abating.”

Very sad words indeed.

The case cantered around the five children of the couple, with ages ranging from 10 to 16. The living arrangements which the father imposes on the children when they stay with him are not favoured by the children and while the Judge was unable to settle on the cause for their unhappiness, he commented that “irrespective of the cause, the result is the same and the father’s blindness and deafness to those concerns, as far as the children are concerned, is extraordinary and obtuse.”

He further stated that “there is little the Family Court can do in these circumstances except to put in place orders that will reduce the damage that these two parents will inevitably inflict upon their children.” Strong words indeed and more was to come. He also noted that “if and when these children suffer further emotional and psychological difficulties into the future; these parents should look to himself or herself as a significant cause. Having seen and heard both of these parents, I am confident they will eschew self blame and continue to lay fault at the feet of the other parent. These parents should hang their heads in shame, such is their self-focus and their failure to meet the emotional and psychological needs of these children. They can only be described as poor parents.”

The Judge ordered that four of the children live with the mother and the other child with the father.

If these people had been able to reconcile their differences with Consent Orders this matter could have been resolved quickly and cost effectively.