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Revision One

I took my poem from last week and made some revisions on it. I was looking at my diction and seeing what I could fix.

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Revision One
Bold Life

A tree grows under nurturing gaze of sun.

Photons are provided to the tree,

Gives heavy bark to tree, weighing its branches down.

It is there, through the rich greens and barren limbs.

Moon reflects sun’s rays as it rises through night.

Awake when the tree is not,

Absent when the leaves shine brightest.

Looked up to, not depended upon

The moon plays a different part in the plant's life,

Until the giant star is able to reign again.

Gray cloud shadow covers the tree,

Back and forth goes the gather of ice crystals

In and out of the tree's life.

He storms the few days he hangs around,

Gives very little rain,

Habitually visits the tree.

Tornado,

Harsh winds are presented,

Hit those that stand in way,

Smash apart the home close by,

Destroy what little are given,

Branches reach to tornado,

But continues to break.

The vine sprouts, grows along the tree.

Vine is clumsy and it reaches towards the tornado,

Though harsh and cruel.

The downpour from the clouds drown the vine,

Vine leaves still hold onto the droplets.

Tree found somewhere new to lay its roots,

Trees too tough for the tornado to rip its roots from the ground,

The vine isn't tangled around it anymore, but is on it’s own,

The cloud is busy nurturing its own tree,

The tree sometimes faces leafless days,

Times it worries if it needs the motherly sun,

Or the father moon to look after it,

Growing in its chosen direction.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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