I am a child of divorced parents, which meant having two birthdays, two Christmases, two Thanksgivings; two of pretty much anything that involved a family-gathering. For the majority of my life, I lived in packed duffle bags being shuttled between two houses. Even though I learned to be okay with changing environments, my family traditions were the only things constant in my life I could rely on not to change. Then, people got married and things went downhill... fast.
My sister, who is seven years older than me, got married on May 5, 2013. I got an older brother! But I quickly realized that I had to share my sister with a whole other family on holiday. Well, one little change wouldn't effect that much, right? Right?
Fast forward to fall 2019 and I now have a stepmom, practically a stepdad, a new cousin-in-law, one less Grandad, a loving boyfriend, and an aging set of grandparents. My life has never turned upside-down more drastically. Quite honestly, I could not tell you the last time I celebrated a holiday with every one of my family members being in the room laughing and carrying on.
I found myself saying, "that's not how we used to do it." But here's the thing I've learned; life moves way too fast to get caught up on how things used to be. Not to sound too much like my fictional hero, Ferris Bueller, but it is true. Family traditions sometimes change, and that is perfectly okay.
Being in college made this particularly hard for me to accept. School is all about being uncomfortable and trying new things. But it gets to the point where sometimes too much new makes you crave something normal. Something you know that would stay the same forever. The cold, hard truth is that "same" and "forever" make for a double negative. Things can't stay the same forever. As soon as I realized that, I looked at my family traditions completely different.
Sure, Thanksgivings might be a little less fun without my Grandad cracking jokes while carving the turkey. And yeah, it can be frustrating that my Mom and Dad do things with their significant other's families. And don't get me wrong, seeing my grandparents not being able to get around very much without needing assistive devices makes me want to rewind time. But it makes me cherish what I have now.
I have a boyfriend whose family loves me like one of their own. I have a brother-in-law who supports my art. I have a set of step-parents who love me even if I'm not biologically theirs. I have more time to sit down with my grandparents to just talk about sports, or have some hot tea and color in coloring books with.
Things change even if we don't want them to. Being too caught up in the past can make you lose sight of what you have in life now. Time will never stop ticking, so realize that now and use what time you have with those you love. Coming from someone who got upset about my Mom changing up her 10-year-old chocolate chip recipe, accepting change is no easy task.
So let go of your frustrations, or tuck them away until after the holidays. There is no time to lose, and the sooner you accept that it will truly open your eyes. I promise.
