“Well, I’m gonna give him a second chance, anyway,” my friend said, after she found out her boyfriend cheated on her. Sadly, I've heard this many times by many people, but each time, I couldn’t help but to think if I were in her shoes, would I have gone back to someone who cheated on me? Is it that easy to fall in and out of love if it’s real?
It made me realize that wanting to be in a relationship to find happiness is one of the most destructive things you can do. Our culture's obsession with #relationshipgoals has been reinforced in our minds with false expectations of love and, of course, relationships. I mean, yeah, I totally support those who've found the love of their lives, yet love for each person is unique and unexpected. We still search for love, because we get so caught up with the idea of falling in love that we don't fall in love with the person, but the feeling.
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We get so caught up with the idea of love that we don't get to experience what love actually is. Not to mention, it's easy to assume that if you have a crush on someone based merely on appearance, then you're destined to be together..
Well, think again, because appearance is not as important as the love you'll have for one another.
I know this for a fact. I've also been in the same situation with a guy who's the complete opposite of me. We only knew each other for a few weeks before we told each other that we liked one another. The relationship didn't last, though, because we fell for each other quicker than we actually had the chance to get to know one another. Even though I continued to have feelings for him, he was completely set on his other relationships that seemed to matter more than ours. I'm not here to say that all relationships are going to end badly or that every relationship sucks. I know that isn't true, and that love in relationships exist once you find the right person and when your feelings for each other are mutual.
“Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.”
William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream"
Because of the pressures of falling in love with the idea of love, falling out of the idea of love can be easier than falling out of love with the actual person. And if that sounds complicated, imagine how complicated real love is. That's the difference between the idea of love and real love. When you're in love with someone, your differences in opinions won't matter as much and you'll be able to express your differences respectfully. That said, sometimes opposites do attract and make for compatible relationships. Because love is a messy, beautiful disaster, and it's totally worth waiting for.
Although I'm no expert on relationships or love, I'm certainly aware of stable and unstable relationships (by my own personal experience), and I know that love exists in the most unlikely places. Just when you think you're content being single, someone might come knocking on your door the next day. And when you know you've found the one, that's when you'll know if it's love or the idea of love that you have fallen head over heels for.
Ask yourself if they're the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. And if you do love them, then the physical attraction isn't necessarily what attracted your souls to meet in order for you to both fall in love.
