Our society tends to teach us that love conquers all. The importance of love, not necessary love of oneself but love for another, is stressed from a young age. When we are young, we are pressured to talk to the cute boy or girl in our math class. We are pressured to go on dates, to find someone who we are compatible with—someone we can love. We see this over and over again in movies and television shows, we read it in books, and we witness it first hand through the love between our parents, siblings and friends.
Television and movie characters make us believe that love is truly worth living and dying for. We seek to find relationships like the fictional ones that surround us— like the love of Noah and Allie in "The Notebook" or Bella and Edward in "Twilight." These shows and films make us believe that although relationships have ups and downs, they ultimately result in everlasting happiness.
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Relationships are complex, they can be difficult, and they are certainly scary. For a lot of people, the idea of any form of commitment is terrifying. For others, the idea of opening up to another person is thought to be nearly impossible.
But, even though relationships can be scary, we should not be afraid to fall in love. Despite past experiences, we should never ignore how we feel in individual moments. We have to allow ourselves to accept and feel our emotions fully.
No relationship is perfect—there will always be pointless arguments, tears, and definitely break-ups too. You’re going to say the wrong things at the wrong times and you are going to make mistakes—but, remember you are only human. Each mistake will help you learn and grow as both an individual and a partner.
Love is far from a rational feeling—it has the ability to bring us to the highest of highs, and the lowest of lows. It tends to make us do the unthinkable. But, as long as your relationship is healthy, you need to embrace the feelings that you are consumed with, no matter how crazy they may be or seem. You may look back and regret dating a person. You might wonder, why did I date them? Why did I waste my time? In these moments, just remember how you felt two or three months ago, back when you were still together with your now ex. You should never regret how you once felt, because in that moment, it was exactly what you wanted.
As I said before, don’t be afraid to fall in love. But, by the same token, don’t be afraid to fall out of it either. Failed relationships tend to make us feel that there is something missing; we may believe that we did something wrong or that there is something wrong with us. We are left discouraged, upset, and disheartened.
Failed relationships begin to jade our perception of love, and we start to feel as if that "perfect love," the Noah and Allie kind, doesn't exist, after all. Or even worse, we feel that this love does exist, just not for us.
For some of us, the struggle to remain interested in a relationship is the cause of us falling out of love. As months pass, our interest begins to diminish. The person we loved so much six months ago, no longer shines as bright as they used to. These kinds of people, myself included, just can't understand why. Why are our hearts never settled?
Bottom line—we’re going to date people who aren’t meant for us. In the beginning of a relationship, everything seems great, as it should when we are first discovering all these amazing things about the person we are interested in. When we feel these crazy butterflies and intense excitement after first connecting with a person, we are overwhelmed. So, naturally, we mistake this overwhelming happiness with the idea that the relationship is right. And when it isn't right, we find ourselves falling out of love, slowly but surely.
Your significant other can be everything that you've ever wanted—kind, caring, loyal, and everything in between. Your partner doesn’t have to be a bad person for them to be wrong for you. Simply put, they just might not be the one.
Whether we are being broken up with or we are doing the breaking up, it isn’t easy. In both situations, we are losing someone that was once such a large part of our lives. Falling out of love is tough, but we must always take comfort in the fact that there is someone out there for us, someone that will make us want to stay.
With that in mind, being in a relationship isn’t everything. We are young and we need to learn to love ourselves before we can love another. We hear that saying all the time and we think it is cliché, but in actuality, the importance of this quote is immeasurable. Love is amazing to share, but we have to learn to love who we are first. Then, and only then, can we love someone without needing constant validation.
Be selfish. Don’t stay in relationships you don’t want to be in, take time to figure yourself out, and don’t be afraid to be single. Too many people feel that they always need to be in a relationship to be happy. We must use the time when we are single to focus on making ourselves better. And when the right person comes around, it’ll make the relationship that much more special and fulfilling.
