So a week or so ago, I was roller skating with my summer students. All morning was a blast. I was shakily making my way around the rink, occasionally falling, catching myself on the wall, or letting myself land on my derrière.
Then, somewhere in the last few minutes I fell backward one last time and (in my infinite wisdom) put my right hand out to catch myself, resulting in a closed fracture of the distal end of my right radius, thank you medical terminology. 6 hours in the ER later, I walk out with a splint and a soft cast, a follow-up for two weeks later, and directions to not get it wet, keep it elevated the next couple days, and “try not to sweat in it.” Oh, and yes, I am indeed right-handed.
The whole experience was almost comical at first, but as the first few days drudged on and I started to realize how much of my life was thrown off track because of it, the discouragement, anxiety, and even anger, started sinking in. I couldn’t believe how hard it was to do… well… everything. And I’ve been incredibly stubborn about doing everything myself, not wanting to appear weak or helpless.
But you know what? Sometimes we ARE weak and helpless, and that is totally okay. The timing has been horrible and that’s an understatement. This is the busiest, most stressed I’ve ever been in my life and I can’t keep up with it all. After my physical fall, I found myself in the midst of the emotional fall, struggling to find hope in the situation. True to my character, I started thinking of my broken arm as a metaphor of sorts for those moments where we feel we are falling through our lives and try to grasp at anything to catch ourselves, slow down, or find some momentary stability.
But when we do that, don't we usually end up making it worse for ourselves? Do we not fight the fall so hard that we end up worse than where we began? I am actually physically broken right now, because I tried to fight it, when I should’ve let myself fall flat on my butt. Everyone asks the same question: why did I put my arm out?
Our natural instinct is to try and catch ourselves when we fall, when what we need to do is embrace that there will be an impact and to let it happen.
When life is throwing us curveballs, we’re bound to get hit by a few or to fall to the ground, but you need to let it happen. It makes us stronger, more confident, more courageous. The light at the end of this tunnel is that my brain function is going to be off the charts because of having to use my non-dominant hand for everything for 6 weeks. I’m embracing it, as hard as that may be, and as angry and as sad as it sometimes makes me feel, especially when I think of how I would not have a broken arm now if I had embraced the initial fall.
Don’t fight it. Don’t fight your falls and grasp at the closest thing that may stabilize you. Falling is terrifying, but denying it, doing everything to avoid it, will do way more damage in the long run. That is how we find ourselves in bad relationships, at the lowest points of our mental illnesses, in the midst of addiction, making all the poorest decisions for our mental wellbeing. WAY easier said than done, especially in my own personal experiences and those of my most loved ones. I see it happening every day. Being an emotional wreck is terrifying, but also part of being human. Human beings are vulnerable, breakable, wonderfully unstable creatures; let yourself be so.
