Since I was old enough to go bobbing for apples Fall has been my favorite season. Not only did I consider the season to be beautiful with leaves changing colors and the weather getting cooler, but I enjoyed the family gatherings and bonfires.

A huge part of that is gone now. Has been for the past three years. Fall time used to mean homemade chili and marshmallow roasting, football on Monday nights, and pumpkin carving. It was so much simpler as a child.

Since my dad passed away all the good things that came with the Fall season, have been taken from me. I don't watch the games anymore because they're just too painful without my dad around, it's just not the same. We used to put on a couple of pots of chili and watch football all day on Sunday.

But, it's not only my dad being gone that makes it painful. My family has suffered massive loss all in the month of October. I mean sure, other people think of the month of October as a time of joyful celebration and time to get ready for Halloween. For me, the month is marked by the deaths my family has endured.

It's hard to be so joyful when every week of the month of October a death is marked on the calendar. All of them still too raw to forget.

There is some good in the month, my birthday, along with many more of my extended family members, my son being the only one in the family born on Halloween. This is cause for celebration it's just hard to see past my loss to celebrate the good.

It's been three years now that my father has been gone and every year it seems to get just a little harder to cope. He and I would sit on the porch with a cold beer and talk the football games or watch the fires burn.

As a kid, my dad always made the Fall time fun. He'd rake leaves and my brother, and I would jump in them. We'd roast weenies and watch the moon and stars come out of their daytime hiding. It all makes me feel very nostalgic and longing for days gone by. My heart still hurts from the loss.

I think next to Christmas, Halloween was my dad's favorite holiday. He loved to decorate and scare the neighborhood kids when they would come trick or treating. He would run games at our church's Fall festivals and make the spiciest chili just to see who was man enough to eat it besides himself.

I miss you Dad and Fall will never be the same without you. It just doesn't feel right to do all things we once did to celebrate the season without you being present to enjoy it. Getting through these three months on the calendar is the hardest thing I endure all year long. It doesn't matter home much time passes; Fall will never be the same without you!