If you ask me how I am with talking to new people, I’ll tell you that I’m very shy and really awkward. I play with my hair a lot to try and calm myself down, I giggle to try and relieve tension, and I make sure that I pay absolute attention to what the other person is saying, and doing so that there aren’t any misunderstandings.
If you ask my friends and family, they’ll tell you I’m a huge flirt. They’ll tell you about how I flirt with literally every person I meet. They’ll bring up all the times I’ve started a casual conversation with someone and ended up going out of it knowing their life’s story. They’ll tell you how I sway back and forth and play with my hair and giggle and act all cute. What they don’t know is that I’m trying to steady myself. I’m trying to keep myself anchored and calm. They won’t be able to tell you about the fact that I fall in love way too easily with every person I meet.
That’s my biggest secret: I fall in love all the time. Once someone starts to open up to me, once they let me in, I end up becoming enchanted by the very fabric of their soul. I live for the moment when people open up to me and tell me things that are important to them. There’s something so romantic about the way people will tell you about their favorite song, their favorite movie, a childhood memory, or even the way they tell you about their day.
There’s a certain spark that people get in their eyes when they expose their heart to you. There’s wistfulness to the bright smiles they get when they recount their tales of bliss and wonderment. There’s an air of enchantment to be felt when someone shows you how they see the world. I love that about people. I fall in love with their energy, I fall in love with their ideas, and I fall in love with their dreams and hopes. I’m always falling in love with new people because they make it so easy.
Naturally then, of course, I get heartbroken a lot too. Sometimes it happens very slowly; it starts with less conversations and then turns in to saying “Hi,” once a month and then there is nothing. Sometimes it happens very quickly; after the conversation has ended and we’ve gotten as much as necessary out of each other, we say our farewells and just so happen never really see each other again. Yet, no matter which way it happens I cannot say that I stay heartbroken for long. Instead, I’m happy to see them go.
This does not stem back to how awkward I feel with new people or any sort of dislike I may have for people. I choose to look at it this way: When people open up to me so deeply and so quickly, it’s usually because they’re overflowing with emotion and need to exert the extra stuff. They need to be heard, so I sit with them and I listen. I like being that person for people. I know that when they leave, I have listened to every word they have said and I know they feel valued. I know that they will eventually need to exert that extra stuff again and either they will come back to me or they will find someone who will listen to them just the same.
I don’t choose to fall in love with everyone. Sometimes, it’s difficult for me. Sometimes it can wear me down and make me feel lost or disposable, but most times it makes me feel like I have a purpose in this crazy, turned around world. It makes me feel rejuvenated and ready to face life head on no matter how scared I actually am. That’s the beauty of always being in love.
