Fake news, it apparently is all the rage. But was there ever a time news was nothing more than shadows in Plato's cave? I give you as example the following headlines:
Donald Trump wins Presidency.
Hillary Clinton has private server in basement, as in 50 Shades or Gray server, cover story is it has to do with her email.
Of Small Hands Donald, Little Marco and Bernie, only Bernie is HUUUGGEEE
New York Times admits referring to itself as the Gray Lady is insulting to all Gray Haired Ladies and will immediately refer to itself as Nothing since you can not insult what does not exist
Secret Service discovers that people know they exist and will change name to...well it's a Secret.
New York Times to endorse the re-election of Donald Trump (okay so yes this one really is fake)
Mexican wall to be built by Chinese laborers in recognition for their fine work on the Trans Continental railway
Obesity increases in states with legal marijuana due to munchies which increases a persons carbon footprint, leading to a War between Enviro-leftists and Pro-Pot-leftists
Trump to live in a White House, asked to remember Black Houses Matter too
Southern Poverty Law Center realizes it hates hate groups and therefore must declare itself a hate group
In the footsteps of being able to declare ones sexuality people now entitled to declare if they are human or not, many opt out to avoid being blamed for global warming
Britain leaves Europe, but damn if it isn't hard to row an island, scientists theorize they will be stuck for many a generation.
Horror Villains start Christmas Toy drive to improve their image, Freddy Krueger put in charge of blowing up balloons
Facebook Snapchatted with Instagram, got Linkedin before the Match set fire to Tinder
Hillary discovers rural people allowed to vote, thought all they did was duel with banjos, race cars and have weird looking babies
Media decides it is important, but only if it can make money, leading to more fake news, (the only Truthful headline).
In conclusion when we have left the caves behind us we will be blinded by the truth and unable to read the ballot.
End
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Here are 17 moments that dukes experience in a year at JMU as told by Bob's Burgers:
1. When you get your acceptance letter
2. When you try to figure out how class enrollment works
Sadly, this isn't just a freshman thing.
3. When it’s move in day
4. When you arrive on campus and see all of the attractive people
5. FROG Week
Arguably the best part of freshman year.
6. When you find your squad
7. When you visit DHall (RIP) or EHall for the first time
8. When you take on way too many credits
"I can handle 20 credits, right?"
9. When you go to your first party at JMU
10. When the rival school shows up for the homecoming game (or any game really)
JMU pride runs deep.
11. Sunday Brunch
12. When you see the infamous “preacher” for the first time
13. The first snow day
Shout out to Snowmaggedon 2016.
14. Madipalooza
15. When finals week rolls around
It really is that bad.
16. When you have to say goodbye
17. And when you finally get to go back
A year at JMU is a wild ride. You'll meet so many new people and experience so many new things. It can and most likely will be overwhelming at first. You want to see and do everything as soon as you get there. Remember, you have all year (four of them in fact) to experience all of the amazing things at JMU. Seize the year and make it special. Find your place, your people, and your passions. Everything will come together when you learn how to utilize all that JMU has to offer and make it a second home.
Remember, your college experience is unique. But there will be many moments in your career at JMU that you'll get to experience with everyone around you . Embrace those shared moments and all they have to offer. Don't overlook the little moments and be adventurous. Find an adventure in the little things. Take pictures and write things down (but don't forget to also live in the moment). When things look down, remember that they'll always come back up. Step outside of your comfort zone. Meet new people, try new things, and be grateful that you go to the very best school.
Go Dukes!
For other people, their birthday is the best day of the year. They celebrate the week before and after, and love having a huge party to celebrate. Here's a laundry list of just about everything that can happen on your birthday.
1. Your family and friends ask what you want for your birthday, so you give them a list of options.
2. You're super excited about your birthday the week before.
3. Your family flies in town to celebrate with you.
4. Your siblings wake you up.
5. Your friends are so excited to be with you on your big day.
6. If you work, your office might throw a party for you.
7. For your actual party, you plan a small get-together with close family and friends ...
8. ... or large celebration with everyone you know.
9. You eat the best meal you've had in weeks.
10. You devour the first piece of cake proudly.
11. You embarrass yourself somehow.
12. You get the present you really wanted but thought no one would get you.
13. You are a little sad about getting older.
14. That feeling wears off and you realize how happy you are to have family and friends to celebrate this day with you.
15. The morning after your birthday looks something like this.
Have a great week!
1. When do I have class again?
You have a screenshot of your schedule on your phone, it's your laptop background and you made your mom text it to you every so often throughout the day just in case. By next week you'll be able to walk to class in your sleep.
2. Did I have class with her last semester? Should I say hi?
There's that girl you had a class with like four semesters ago. She's probably ignoring you, but you just keep staring at her until your memory fails you.
3. Absolutely ridiculous.
You mostly likely had this thought while reading the syllabus and seeing that the oral presentation makes up 30 percent of your final grade. Good luck.
4. When does this class end?
You know when this class ends. The professor knows when this class ends. All your classmates know when the class ends. Staring at the clock won't make the time go faster.
5. I'm hungry.
You're always hungry because YOU NEVER STOP EATING.
6. WHERE ARE MY FRIENDS?
Everyone is really quiet because no one here knows each other. Now you have to make all new friends and you're dreading every minute of it.
7. Why do I have to introduce myself?
I hate icebreakers. "Tell us your name, major/year and a fun fact about you." No, I don't want to. Can we leave now? Please?
8. When did they fix __?
You were probably shocked when you came into school and saw the escalators working again like they should be. Consider yourself blessed.
9. I need coffee.
You haven't even finished your second cup. This is what you get for sleeping at 3 a.m. when you have a 9 a.m. class, forgetting to factor in the hour and a half commute to get to school. You probably won't learn from your mistakes.
10. Yes, coffee.
This is your fourth cup and it isn't even 11 a.m. yet.
11. Why am I here?
Because you don't want to live with your parents for the rest of your life. It's time to get it together and get those As.
12. I'm going to pass this class.
You're positive outlook is cute and needed. You can get those As only if you believe in yourself.
13. I'm going to fail this class.
So you took a closer look at the syllabus and saw how much work is involved in a three-credit course. But don't give up, it's only the first day. You still have several months of torture ahead.
1. Communicating via email can be awkward.
Without seeing your face, people will often assume you’re the other gender and address you as such, often beginning an email using the wrong article.
2. Appointments usually accompany weird looks.
“What time was your appointment?”
“2:00!”
“2:00…?”
“Yes, 2:00.”
“Are you sure?”
3. Introducing yourself to someone is never without a hitch.
Being asked to repeat yourself, accompanied with a very confused face, is the norm.
4. You’ve probably thought about changing your name.
It would just be so much easier if my name were a “typical” boy/girl name.
5. You’re often asked why you have the name you do.
“Your parents must be very interesting. Is there a cool story behind it? Why did they name you that? Are you named after a famous ancestor? Is there any meaning to it?” No.
6. You get excited when you meet someone of your gender with your name.
I’m not the only one! Let’s be friends!
7. You feel awkward when you meet someone of the opposite gender with your name.
Nice to meet you… I guess…
8. You’ve had someone say to you, “I knew a [your name], but they were [your opposite gender].”
Oh. Okay. That’s nice.
9. You’ve heard a bad joke/pick-up line or two about your name before.
Hahaha, no. It’s a sensitive topic.
10. People are surprised when they see you.
“Oh, I thought you were a boy/girl.”
“Well. I’m not…”
What is someone supposed to say to that?
11. You’re extra sensitive to other unique or unisex names.
Their name is Mackenzie and I can’t find them on Facebook! Do I address the email Mr. or Ms.???
12. You’ve fought with your parents about it.
“Why did you name me this?! You don’t understand the struggle!”
13. All things considered, you’re happy your name makes you unique.
Yes, you have an “atypical” name, but that’s rare and awesome and you’re fierce.
1) You love watching National Geographic specials
Especially this one, which you should all go watch RIGHT. NOW.
2) People constantly ask you "what is anthropology?"
3) Even more often than that, people ask you "what are you gonna do with that?"
4) You've definitely licked a rock at least once
Is it earthenware? Stoneware? Pearlware? Only one way to be sure, really.
5) If you concentrate in archaeology, this gif pisses you off to no end:
6) Staring at people is kind of your thing
What's their clothing made out of? Does their nose size suggest stronger neanderthal genes? What's that prayer they're saying?!
7) The Road to El Dorado speaks to you on an emotional level
And nobody believes you when you try to tell them it's based on a true story. And you pause the movie every five minutes to talk about how goddamn cool the Aztecs were.
8) You know what a bonobo is...
9) And you've had multiple class discussions on monkey sex. Literally.
Vaguely awkward class days, but weirdly crucial to chimp social structure. Who knew.
10) You've taken a field trip to the Smithsonian "Human Origins" exhibit
And you totally freaked out over the reconstructed Lucy.
11) Your family and friends call you Indiana Jones...
And you hate it every time they do.
12) Even though you secretly call yourself Indiana Jones
13) Your professors are so into their subject matter that their powerpoints always consist of 80+ slides
Half the time their presentations are on their own fieldwork. Very cool, but it's just not practical to try to fit 12+ years of hands-on study into a 50 minute class period.
14) You have the same kids in all of your classes
Yes, for all four years. Probably due to the fact that there's only like six anthro majors at your school.
15) Your family thinks you'll never get a "real" job...
16) ...But at the end of the day, digging up tiny shards of pottery and staring at monkeys is your passion. Oh well.
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