Recently I found myself sitting down to eat dinner at the local dining hall when I noticed the in-house television was tuned to one of the several fake news channels that have become so popular as of late. At that moment, the fake news casters were discussing allegations that our current president's administration was being investigated for illegally cooperating with Russian agents in order to win the last election. At the same time, a counter accusation was being made that President Obama was spying on our current president with super secret bugs in order to gain vital intel that would allow him to overthrow the Trump regime.
Of course I knew that all of this was just being made up by evil liberal masterminds plotting to... uh, make the environment cleaner, or something, but it got me thinking: what if it wasn't just the news that was fake? What if it was all bigger than that? And that's when it hit me like a small sack full of one million dollars- everything is fake, because we're living in a ludicrously high budget Hollywood film.
The political intrigue, the drama, all of it is artificial. Every place any of us has ever been to is just a massively elaborate set, and every person any of us has ever met is a paid actor. Every new invention that is created is nothing but a functional prop, and every rainbow and thunderstorm any of us has ever witnessed has been nothing but special effects. Same for the moon landing. All of it is so surreal because it's not real.
And because of this, I demand to have super powers. Dead serious, I do. If the wealthy elite get to live scripted lives of luxury and wacky blunders without consequences, then I want super strength. I want to be able to bash down fake walls and it's high time that I am given a better role than the one that I have been given. I refuse to be a background extra in this blockbuster movie, and until I am bitten by some sort of radioactive gorilla or zapped by power-filled lightning, I will be abstaining from playing my part, even if the director himself has to come on stage and rewrite the script for me personally. This is officially a strike, and I implore each and every reader to join me.
It is not fair that President Trump gets to live out a Russian espionage thriller while us common folk have to live with the fake fallout. If we're really living in a world that is post-fact, then I will live nothing but the highest of power fantasies. Now who wants to join my Fake Justice League?
