It was the kind of day where if i was given the choice id choose the rainy type of weather over most people. Rain always had a way of showing me i wasn't alone because this messy magical world expressed my deepest feelings while people on the overhand had a way of reminding me of all the things i wanted to forget in the current moment to just survive the day.
It has been a little over two years since the greatest tragedy my family and i has ever known, came to pass..Each day is different but everyday is hard. A few days before mothers as i was in my turmoil of deeply missing my mother and all that she brought to life. My heart was heavy, and my soul with sorrow. Today is Mothers Day, as its extremely normal to feel this pain more today, i also had the incredible insight of you carrying this heavy hearted weight of grief. Grief of your your own, grief for my father for loosing the mother to his children, grief for my myself, brothers, their wives and our children, carrying the grief of my grandparents for loosing a daughter, for my aunt for loosing a sister. There you are carrying a part of, and feeling all the grief thats still felt of mothers death. Suddenly, this heavy heart of mine fills with of a unusual, yet fascinating merging of grief, gratitude and grace. I do not understand the mystery of grace ; only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us. The hardest lessons we learn are often the ones spirit needs most. Our brokenness is only beautiful due to the compassion that surrounds it. There you are at her graveside with a beautiful bouquet of flowers thanking her for all of the sacrifices she had made in her life that created the family she left behind, thanking her for being the wife, mother, and grandmother she was here on earth. You were honoring, remembering and grieving her. You are a mother of two yourself but all you wanted to do today was celebrate the blessing of motherhood with my mother at her graveside. She's a women whom you have never known on Earth, but a women whom you feel so connected too. L O V E is the essence all of life, everything is divinely connected in love, through love or by all the love that remains.
From a daughter who's mother was her voice of reason, advice giver, story teller, peace keeper, healer, and best friend thank you for having the courage in your heart to love and honor my mother. I can't imagine the fears you had to face with falling in love with a man, whos heart was finally rebeating after been so been badly broken, a man whose whole family that has a scar that never truly heals, and it bleeds each time its touched. I want to thank your kids for sharing their mother, and all of her love with each of us. I want to thank your parents for character, morals, and your heart and soul. Thank you for having the strength to stand firm in being your authentic self which allows you to hear my mothers name without ever feeling inadequent, because you are anything to us but that. You are the paradox that joins us and allows us to depart. You are hand picked, heavenly sent, deeply loved and truly appreciated. Thank you for wanting to hear her voice and wanting to know about the life she lived, to hear the story i hold so deep within my heart. Thank you for asking and joining in when were retelling moments that she is the center of, for celebrating her birthday and asking about her favorite cake. We live our lives looking for something, anything to give life some type of meaning. love was never meant to be received by one single person, rather all the people who make us feel at home. You are a women of strength, courage and dignity a women whos heart is true, who's words are authentic and who's love is healing. I really want to thank you for surviving all of the past and getting through the sorrows that softened you, the heartache that widened you and the suffering that strengthened you that prepared you to love my father, and our family in such a way that allows you to whole heartily love my mother too.
"She's fought previous battles and she is the result of all the things that she refused to let life take from her ; compassion, courage, vulnerability and love. These things made her truly b e a u t i f u l. "
She, is Y O U and to me you are a guiding, fairygod mother whos imprint has impacted all aspects of my life. You have shown me the magic of experiencing grief, gratitude and grace. Thank you for being you in a world filled with somebody elses.
Happy Mothers Day. We Love You!
