What did you want most at eighteen? What about when you were twelve? Do the aspirations and goals appear to be similar? When we graduated high school, we were immediately thrown into a mirth of competition for those goals. For some of us, we chose to attend college; for others, the work force was immediate. Regardless of where you ended up, I am almost positive that you felt overwhelmed during the early stages. If you are like me, you still can feel overwhelmed. Often, the pressure to be the best is relentless. Sometimes, the competition isn't even real. Inside of my mind, I am always comparing and judging my progress versus someone else. Frequently I find myself to be the one losing out.
Why am I like this? Why are we like this? Well honey, we are the blessed souls who bear a "type A" personality. We are inherently programmed to progress and win, at all costs. According to Friedman and Rosenman, the cardiologists who coined this phrase,
"...Type A individuals tends to be very competitive and self-critical. They strive toward goals without feeling a sense of joy in their efforts or accomplishments."
When I looked this up, I thought, "surely this is incorrect. I must feel some joy upon success." After some quick reflection, I realized that I was exceptionally wrong. Regardless of what the accomplishment is, it never seems to be enough. What I mean by this is that once I accomplish one goal, I do not take moments of reflection, I move immediately onto the next goal. I am constantly striving for growth, constantly searching for innovative ways to be better than the next guy.
So what happens when we aren't better than the next guy? I am slowly learning that I am not Superman. It's coming as a revelation to me (like I am sure it will to you) that I do not possess the capability to get everything right every single time. It hit me about the fourth week of this semester, when I got my first Organic Chemistry test back. For those of you wondering- I failed. I made a 43.
Being the invincible pre-vet that I believed myself to be, I foolishly enrolled myself in both Organic Chemistry I and Physics I along with my other higher-level science classes. I'm not saying that taking these classes in tandem with one another is impossible, matter of fact, at some schools it's required (I'm talking about you, Auburn). For me though, this was the grave mistake of my semester. It wasn't until I received my first test grade from Organic that I realized what a terrible mistake I had made. I became consumed with what I had to do to make up for that failed test, maintain my GPA, and still study for my other classes. For about two weeks, I drove myself insane. Then one Sunday afternoon, it hit me. I had to drop the class.
If you know me, even a little bit, you know that I consider dropping a class to be sacrilegious. I would rather take my hit with a failing grade than accept that I was not able to complete the semester. For me to even entertain the idea of dropping organic chemistry was asinine. Know what I did on Monday though? I dropped Organic Chemistry I.
Here's why:
I realized that by forcing myself to continue with an unmanageable schedule of classes, I was sacrificing the wellbeing of all of my classes. I was also willingly sacrificing my sanity and physical wellbeing.
School should never drive you absolutely crazy. School should never consume you that much. Your health, your sanity... it is so much more important than an A on that transcript. You are so much more than some measly letter grade on a transcript. Your intelligence cannot be defined by your ability to answer questions correctly on a test. I want you all to realize that you are worth more than that, and because you are worth more, you need to take care of yourself.
I know that accepting that you can't do it all is like swallowing tacks, but if you do, you'll feel so much better. John Wooden once said,
"Failure isn't fatal, but failure to change might be."
If you can recognize when you need to get out of a situation, you still have the time to change your situation. If you wait to change your life because of the fear of admitting that you failed, you could be jeopardizing your entire future, or your entire life. Just remember that it is okay to be normal--to be average. Matter of fact, I would rather be average and ecstatically happy than above average and miserable.
Live your life, and don't regret one second of it.
