Two words: Dating Sucks.

Three words: Dating Sucks Ass.

About an hour ago, I would say those words were enough to explain this generations feelings toward dating (for the most part). If you were anything like me growing up, you either read or watched a lot of movies that always had that perfect love story ending. Again, if you were anything like me, you realized how much those books and movies shaped your perspective on how dating should be. An hour ago, I would say I was very close to throwing the towel in when it comes to finding my one true love. That was until I realized, dating is like a movie and there are different characters that exude different characteristics. Unfortunately, I have only met the characters that for a lack of a better term... suck to some degree.. So, let's get started.

Pinocchio

Have ever met someone who just lied about anything and everything? I have. Have you ever dated someone who just lied about anything and everything? Again, I have. Unfortunately, liars are the most common character in this episode of dating. Guess what? They are also the most damaging and dangerous characters to become involved with for two reasons and I will explain why. It is vital to make a point that EVERYONE lies because it's just in our nature. The difference is in the occasional lie versus the "I'm just going to lie about every got damn thing cause I can lie" lie. The latter is dangerous simply because this person will ALWAYS lie to protect themselves. The second reason this character is so dangerous is because they are that magical word that begins with an "M". Manipulative. Example. Illustration.

Once upon a time, I dated this guy who ended up cheating. Our relationship was not new, we had roots, a friendship, the whole freaking nine yards. We sat in my car one night after a week of arguing this one question.

"Did you have sex with her?"

Mind you, I have already spoken to this girl and she told me everything that transpired between the two of them. You would think any normal person would wave their white flag and admit the truth. Well, nope. Not Pinocchio. Not only did Pinocchio stand by his lie, he lied with tears in his eyes. That is when I realized the devil was real. TEARS.

Dylan Harper

This character is one of my favorites simply because he is the reason for this post. If you have ever watched the movie "Friends with Benefits" you will recognize the name of this character. This is the character you do not expect to fall in love with but you do and unlike the ending of that amazing movie, you and that person DO NOT fall deeply in love with each other. This character is also very dangerous because your feelings catch you by surprise. It was never your intention to love them the way you do because it just happens. Of course, there are going to be people who say, "well you just like the sex". I would say, "the first time we had sex it lasted 2 minutes and it was trash." This simply goes back to the idea of expectation and that desire for a happy ending that many of us were raised with. This character was far from extravagant and did not really have much going for themselves. You fall in love (do really fall in love?) anyway despite all of these characteristics not being what you originally wanted in someone you were going to date. That attraction is powerful because its so foreign and questionable.

So, you talk. You kiss. You have sex. Talk some more. Kiss some more. Have a whole bunch more sex (the sex gets better of course). The talks become more personal. The kisses less intense and more soft. The sex ends with kissing your forehead and wrapping their arms around you. This character at one point got jealous when some guy gives you their phone number or tries to flirt with you but the second you approach the idea of commitment they hit you with those 6 words: I don't like you like that. Now you have created this attachment to someone who was never really yours to begin with. I've heard different versions of the same line including but not limited to: we're not compatible, you're too much, we're better as friends, or you deserve someone better than me (my personal favorite).

Them denying you hurts but seeing them give that energy you desperately wanted to someone else can be devastating.

So screw you Dylan Harper. This ones for you.

And I Oop

This character does not last very long in the series of dating because they never really make it. I have personally come across maybe one or two people who fit this criteria. The two of you may have had bomb conversation and there may have been a connection. You may ask why include this seemingly insignificant character in this post? Simply because you have entertained this character. You have probably learned their likes and dislikes, favorite movies and food, goals, and other small details about that person. Then it just ends. One day, you stop talking as much until you just don't talk at all. It doesn't really hurt per se but it leaves a slight headache. This character is not the most dangerous but he can do some damage if you are already emotionally on the edge.

Jigsaw

Most of us have watched the movie Saw and the main character, Jigsaw, basically likes to put his victims through tests/games. Talking to and dating someone like this is a mental workout if anything because everything they say and do is well thought out. Gemini and Capricorn males are notorious for playing mind games. These characters will ask you questions or do certain things to see your answer or reaction. This is their way of understanding your personality in relation to theirs. These characters tie with the Pinocchio characters on the danger scale because they are very smart. Nothing that comes out of their mouth is insignificant and if you do not pay attention to the intent behind each question, you'll give them more information about yourself than originally desired or intended. A regular character would ask you what age you want to get married because they are genuinely interested. A jigsaw character might ask you this to see how desperate you are for a relationship to work. A regular character might ask how many children you want because again, they are genuinely interested. A jigsaw character might ask you this to see how important beating some age game is to you. Do not and I repeat DO NOT let these characters fuck with your head because they will have you second guessing yourself. No, what you heard is what they said but what you interpreted is not what they meant. To deal with a jigsaw (if you choose), always stay three (thousand) steps ahead.

I Like You But I Love My Ex

This one is self-explanatory. These characters are a real deal piece of work. These are the people who are not afraid of commitment if they are committed to what they are familiar with, which is most often their ex. They do not mind flirting, going out, and short term dating, but at the end of the day, they always know who their first choice is. These characters are a piece of work because they will want you all to themselves but will not give all of themselves to you. Go figure. Talking to anyone else other than them will trigger feelings of anger and jealousy but they are always free to talk to that one ex (damn that one ex). I mean, who wants to be in a competition where you are never really the winner?

I'm sure there are other characters in this episode of dating and I am certain they are not all bad. If there is anything I have learned, it is that when anything has failed, including relationships, you have to change the method. Recognizing the kind of relationships you have formed that have not worked, doing what you can to avoid them and not repeating the same mistakes over again is key. It is also just as vital to look at what role you play in the episode of dating. What characteristics do you and I hold that maybe considered toxic or dangerous to others?

Feel free to comment any other characters you have encountered while dating.