It’s a difficult thing, to start a new job and wonder about whether you’re going to fit in or not. It’s hard to leave behind everything you know, love and are familiar with for a terrifying and completely unknown step in your life. Believe me, I know. I just finished writing a chapter of my life and I’m trying to find the courage to turn the page and start the next one.

Back in February when I first applied for the Disney College Program, I thought I had my life figured out. If I was accepted, then I’d be going to Disney! I wouldn’t really look back or miss much when I left -- other than a couple friends and my family. If I didn’t make it, then I’d finish up my last semester of college, stay on at my current job and reapply for the next session. That said, obviously, getting accepted was the only thing I thought about at that point. I checked my email every day with bated breath and a racing heart only to be disappointed when nothing new showed up. When I finally did receive my “Congratulations!” email, I broke down and cried because I was going to Disney! I was going to live my dream and work for the most magical place on Earth! And now? I’m crying because I have to leave everything behind to enter the unknown that awaits me there.

A few months ago, I couldn’t believe someone could willingly leave the program to go back home because it was Disney and nothing could be more important or worth leaving that for. And now, I’m reconsidering even going. I was asked recently how high the possibility was of my turning back on the plane and staying home. I replied that it was 85 percent.

Now, in all seriousness, I’ve gone too far to turn back now and I really am immeasurably grateful for the chance to work for Disney, a company and a place that has been such a huge part of my life for so long. I’m not going to throw away my shot, I’m going to go and make the most of what I can with my time there. However, for the first time in my life, I’m comfortable with the way things are / were going with where I was at. I had a great apartment, I lived downtown in the city, had a great job, great friends and amazing co-workers. I was only a few hours from home if I ever needed a nice weekend getaway and a night out with friends was usually just a text away. I felt wanted and accepted.

I have literally no clue what Disney will bring. No idea where my work location will be, where I’ll be living, if I’ll be with the roommates I’ve chosen, if we’ll get along, if my new co-workers will like me or if I’ll be able to survive the Florida heat. I also have no idea what will happen after my term is up. Will I apply to extend my program? If so, will I be accepted? If not, will I go back home? Will I come back to the city that’s essentially been my home for the past three years and the job that I no longer want to leave? Will I try a new city? Will I be able to find a new job if I do? My life is a giant “what if” question right now, completely open ended with a series of blank lines staring back at me.

But, that’s life in general, isn’t it? The unknown is all that exists. There’s no way of knowing what can or will happen. I guess it just feels so hard right now because I’ve really never had to deal with this before. I’ve always had a set schedule with school and part-time jobs, so to realize that the world is open to me now and that it’s completely up to me to survive and make the most of it is literally terrifying. But, I’ve made it this far, right? I guess I’ll just have to see what the future holds in store for me. If nothing else, it should at least be pretty interesting.