The mere thought of graduating strikes fear in my heart, like in a child's heart does the sight of an injection needle. Jittery. This single word is enough to encapsulate the volley of emotions I face every day with every passing day. 3.5 years have passed already and frankly, I don't want college to end. But then, at the risk of sounding forward, coming from a booming city of 20 million to a sleepy village of less than 100,000 isn't really too exciting because of which I am longing to go back to life back in the city. This exact push and pull is now a central worry in my life. I want to graduate, but at the same time, I don't. Graduating is obviously inevitable so it can be argued that there is no need to worry about it. While that is valid, honestly, like the kid in everyone, there is one inside me that just refuses to accept this reality despite knowing in the heart of my hearts, that it is inevitable.
I have given Purdue and West Lafayette a fair shot, have spent innumerable meetings on the streets of Chauncey village in the evening, strolled through campus, ordered in, watched movies at the Goodrich theatre and have been a regular to several classic restaurants such as Bistro 501's fine dining and Bru Burger. Yet despite its best effort, the village has not wooed my heart. But the idea of going to the real world strikes fear in my heart, like in a child's heart, does the sight of an injection needle.
For a dude whose biggest fear has been failing college, it's ironic that I am hoping that somehow I am told to retake a class. Yeah, it's that bad!
There is a side of me that is really looking forward to getting a job in PR, the other, eager to take the leap, the mere thought of which generates adrenaline in my veins, enough to race 10 horses, enough to pull a car. This side of me wants to save vigorously and invest for my parents.
The other side wants to continue living a good college life. It's an unexplainable clash, my sole hope is that you relate to it as fellow readers and college students yourself. Its a tug of war with serious competition from both sides, except that instead of a rope it's literally the strings and fibers in my heart and on either side are my wishes refusing to give up.
In the long run, I hope I am able to give it a rest and the child in me, gives it rest.
