If you've ever spent any time on the Internet or around high school or college aged people, you might hear about something that people call the "friend zone." According to some, the friend zone is a truly terrifying and unfair realm in which good and honest men are banished by their female love interests who only see them as friends. Because of this, these men have every right to complain and moan about these women for doing so. So that's why I'm here to tell you that it is all a load of crap. Here are four reasons that the "friend zone" is unreal and unfair toward women.
1. Women are allowed to have opinions.
The first reason that the friend zone is unfair is that it assumes that it is the woman's fault for rejecting the man. The stereotype of those who complain about being friend zoned are the same guys who complain about women rejecting them because they are being "too nice."
Apparently, some men have it in their head that the reason women are friend zoning them is because they are too nice and sweet and gentlemanly. What these guys are doing, though, is assuming that women have no other standards for dating men than them being nice. It may surprise you, however, that women have many opinions, standards and preferences for relationships. She might like men who look a certain way. She might want someone who likes the same outdoor activities.
There are many reasons why a woman might reject you, and they're not always your fault, but they are not her fault either. She is allowed to be picky, and she does not owe you a date.
2. Women are damned if we do, damned if we don't.
"The woman led him on intentionally." I admit that sometimes that might be the case, but probably not most of the time. Think of the last joke you heard someone tell about a girl who immediately mentions her boyfriend in a conversation. This is probably because if women are nice and make pleasant conversation with a guy without mentioning that they are in a relationship, the guy might accuse her of "leading him on." That's why some women have taken to immediately mentioning a boyfriend (real or not) if they are not interested in the guy they are talking to. If they don't have a boyfriend, some men don't like taking no for an answer.
From personal experience, I have had a guy hit on me, I have said I'm not interested and he has kept nagging me until I had to firmly ask him to leave. Basically, women are shamed for saying no, saying they have a boyfriend too soon and saying they have a boyfriend too late. So next time you complain about a girl leading you on and "friend zoning" you, think about it from her perspective.
3. It reinforces the idea that men can't be friends with women without ulterior motives.
Sometimes when a woman turns you down because she views you as a friend, maybe she actually viewed you as a friend. "Can men and women be friends" is a frequently searched phrase on Google, and there are many articles from both sides of the question. The fact that this topic is so highly debated means that some people think that men and women can't be friends. In fact, there are some people who claim that men are only friends with women if they have some ulterior motive.
A website called The Art of Manliness has an article about how they believe that in most male/female relationship, the man is secretly hoping for a relationship to blossom while the woman is content with the relationship being platonic. So according to this research, men have a harder time being "just friends" with women. Remember, though, that this research only tested 88 opposite-sex friendships, and that it is not the rule for all friendships.
How terrible is this? Let's change this phenomenon that expects relationships and sex to come out of friendships! Friendships are nice. Friendships consist of loyalty, compassion and fun times had by all. Being "just a friend" with someone is not a bad thing!
However, if this research is true, imagine how tiring it would be for a girl to think they have genuine male friends who like them for who they are and are not trying anything. Then they find out that is not the case. Then she has to reject him, thus risking or ending their friendship. It makes friendship with the opposite sex very tricky and frustrating. So when men complain about being "friend zoned," they are basically telling me that they do not think that being friends with a woman is enough for them.
4. Basically, you got rejected.
In most cases, the person who got friend zoned was rejected and is upset about it. I understand, being rejected hurts, and it is natural to feel angry and distressed about it. Rejection happens to everyone at some point, and we all know how terrible it is. Next time you find yourself rejected by a woman and she says that you are "just friends," try to remember that she values your friendship, and that there might be several personal reasons why she is not interested in you. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't make her a bad person. However, by continuing to dwell on this unfortunate event and blaming the woman for her rightful opinions, the friend zoned person just comes across as whiny and unwilling to move past it. That's unattractive.
