I am outgoing but I like to stay to myself. I am loud but I can get quiet very quickly. Depression has taken over my life. Being an extrovert, I like to talk and hangout I want to always be busy. While being depressed causes me to want nothing but alone time. I just want to lay in bed for days at a time. My two traits often clash at this point, the point where I have been in bed for so many days that I physically feel sick from boredom. This is okay until depression strikes and refuses to let me get out of bed. My laughs are sometimes ended by a sigh. My happy cries soon turn sad. I can never understand the reasons for any of this. Mentioned before, I can want to hangout with friends at 10 a.m. but by 5 p.m. I no longer feel up for it anymore. I can go out and 20 minutes into the night I want to leave. My mind wants me to leave but my spirit always wants to stay.
Depression has the power to take every ounce of life out of me in less than a minute. All it takes is one thought, one memory, one moment and everything can change. You never know when it will strike, it can happen on your best days and even on the ones you thought just could not get any worse.
As much as it hurts me to have to live a life where I no longer enjoy the things I used to, I refuse to let that define me. I refuse to let depression control my life. Even though I do not know when the pain will strike I will appreciate every happy moment. I will sometimes make myself go out even if my mind tells me I don't want to, because I know it is good for me. I will live my life so fully that no one will be able to tell my sad moments from my happy ones. Depression is not something that one can just get over but it is something one can overcome.
