So unless you either live under a rock or have a very strong aversion to current events, you probably remember the North Carolina bathroom situation that happened a while ago, what with all the travel bans and public stances being taken by certain department stores. You may have even formed an opinion about it, and hey, that’s fine! It’s your life. However, it’s important to understand that this whole fiasco started with people forming opinions and beliefs on a subject they didn’t quite fully understand. In light of that, I’m going to give a little crash course about gender. Gather round, friends!

First off, it’s very important to remember that there are four aspects to each person’s identity: their gender, attraction, expression, and their sex. Sex refers to a person’s genitalia, and nothing more. Expression refers to a person’s way of outwardly portraying their identity. Attraction refers to who someone might be attracted to, either sexually or romantically. And lastly, gender refers to what’s in someone’s head, and how they identify themselves mentally.

Now, what do you notice about gender and sex? That’s right kids, they’re two completely different things. A person’s genitals have absolutely nothing to do with their gender, and vice versa. Therefore, whatever goes on between a person’s legs is independent of what goes on between their ears. It’s not too difficult a concept to understand, so why is everyone flipping out?

At some point between the dawn civilization and today, we began adhering to this rather deleterious concept titled the Gender Binary. The Gender Binary is basically only a societal construct that pushes humanity to believe that a person can belong to one of two genders, male or female, and it enforces the idea that gender is dependent on their birth-assigned sex. This is why there is so much animosity towards trans individuals; Because they tend to go against what people believe is the wholesome, moral, and correct way to exist.

In truth, the Gender Binary doesn’t really exist, and there aren’t any set “rules” for gender. Think of that big color wheel you used to use when you played around with MS Paint so many years ago. You know the one, with the rainbow and the gray and black and white. That’s kind of how gender works. There are so many aspects to gender that no two are exactly alike. There are females and males. There are people who are both, or something completely different. There are people who may be one gender, but less so than another. There are people who have many genders, and those who have none, and those whose gender may change periodically. And the most important thing about gender is that you can control it just about as much as you can control the natural color of your hair.

That being said, gender is all in your head. Nobody has any say in your gender except for you. That’s why the existence of bathroom laws posed such a huge threat. Those in power were not making an effort to educate themselves on the situation and were consequently treating an entire community as subhuman. And though this “Bathroom Bill” ordeal seems to have begun to blow over, the toxic mindset behind it has not yet died. There are still those who rally for the oppression of those who identify as transgender and nonbinary, and not everyone is safe in their home environment.

So there you have it, folks. Hopefully, if you didn’t before, you now have an idea of how gender works, and why bathroom laws were such an oppressive concept. If you take anything from me today, let it be this: never let yourself be pressured to follow certain societal norms that might be harmful or uncomfortable due to your identity. No person is less human than the next, regardless of what other people have to say. Put effort into acceptance. Ask for pronouns, and give yours. Refrain from saying “Hey Guys” or “Boys and Girls." Don’t stereotype. And above anything, be supportive and don’t discriminate. We’re all adults here, stop worrying about what’s in other people’s pants. Our society has bigger problems to worry about.