As a woman in the middle of college, I feel as though there are so many expectations thrown at me. From myself, my parents, teachers, peers, and so on. Honestly, it's not fair, but it's to be expected. I was lucky enough to grow up in a supportive household, and I will forever be thankful for that. However, that is not enough to stop the constant anxiety of not living up to my own expectations as well as the expectations from others. Expectations ranging from relationships, school, athletics and my future.
I set goals for myself a long time ago to just grow up and become successful in whatever it was I chose to pursue. So here I am, double majoring and planning for my masters in hopes of achieving a role at a job where I feel like I am following through with this dream. I'm in a constant search for opportunities to set myself out from the crowd, because in the sea of marketing and human resource majors, what would make someone choose me? I never want to just sit on the sidelines and let opportunities for change pass me by. That being said, getting to that point where I can make a change is terrifying and big and seems so far away. That's where I face anxiety from my own expectations of myself.
I have constant anxiety that I'm not being who I need to be in my relationship. I feel that I'm not enough for someone else. I'm consistently trying to be there, however, is that enough? Not only in my relationship, but with my friends as well. Am I being who they need me to be? One of my biggest fears in life is letting other people down.
I am part of a team. I play an extremely individual sport where in the end, one person could make or break the teams standing, based solely on their own performance. It's exhilarating and terrifying at the same time to be wanted, needed, and expected to do your best all the time. I appreciate the support and I know I need it to succeed, but when I fail, it's heartbreaking.
Letting myself, as well as, everyone else prominent in my life down is the root of my anxiety. College students are all in that part of their life where they are expected to prepare for their future. This is the stage in life that can make or break you. If that isn't mildly terrifying to you, then what is? That being said, yes, it's scary and I have breakdowns all the time that I'm not doing well enough; however, it's also so exciting to see results in all of your pursuits. The college experience is wonderful and throws so many different emotions on you, but that shapes you into the person you need to be.
